When a victim of sexual assault comes forward about their experience on mainstream media, it seems that they are bound to receive mixed responses that ultimately victim-blame them. Such as “they’re lying”, “they asked for it”, “they’re a slut”, and so forth. Among this backlash, there’s always that one person who insists that the incident was “sex they regret, not rape”.
True, sex you regret having doesn’t equate to rape. However, the problem is using that argument to dismiss victims when they share their stories. My point in writing this article is to investigate what classifies as “sex you regret” so you can better distinguish between that and rape instead of using that terminology to silence victims. As a result, we can further deconstruct rape culture. Rape is clearly defined as unwanted sexual activity, especially when consent is not given.
So, what defines “sex you regret”?
No matter what you Google, there seems to be a loose definition of what it means. I think the major indication of sex you regret having is that you enjoy it in the moment. At the time, the sex is consensual. Not forced. Not coerced. You and your partner enthusiastically grant consent that isn’t revoked during the session. It isn’t until afterwards when you reflect on the experience and have second thoughts about it.
Whatever the case, it is not up to anyone to label an individual’s personal experience.