My move-in day my freshmen year of college
Being a first-generation college student and Latina has brought me some not so “cute” realizations. Contrary to popular belief, being Latina is a lot more than just having a lack of representation in power positions.
I was never one to assume I had faced many of the struggles that come with being an ethnic minority. I always saw myself as being one of “the lucky ones.” However, after spending over a year in college I started to become more self-aware about things I previously assumed were “normal” that I faced in my day-to-day life.
For starters, I had hopes of one day making it into the Ivy leagues, but my first C my sophomore year of high school made me lose all hope. The worst part was that I thought I wasn’t even good enough to get into a state school anymore. I ended with a 3.9 GPA in high school and thought that wasn’t even good enough for college; I thought that I needed the outstanding 4.3 GPA that many of my peers had.
Stories like mine are what has caused a lack of diversity within college institutions like Augustana. Perfectly capable students like myself think that the college admissions system is more rigorous than it actually is. I’ve become deeply saddened seeing capable ethnic minorities doubt themselves, when in reality, I constantly meet white students who cheat their way through the system and reek of incompetence.
Augustana on a cold winter day (Photo by Giselle Barajas)
I have also come to learn that the lack of generational wealth has been a stronger setback than I once believed. Hearing upper-middle class white students complain about being “poor” just because they have to share a “small” dorm room with a friend and eat shitty dining center food for a few years is like a punch in the gut.
When I’m used to having to share a smaller room than a dorm with my 10-year-old younger sister and I eat cheap unhealthy meals back at home to save money, the dorm-life and dining center is an upgrade on most days.
Not to mention that my Pell Grant isn’t enough to cover the cost of Augustana. Contrary to the upper-middle class belief that “poor” people benefit more through Pell Grants- we really don’t. Being a part of a family that lives paycheck to paycheck can be constantly worrisome. Having to see my dad sometimes take on two jobs when financial emergencies hit is not fun.
My parents repping their Augustana gear during my high school graduation party
It doesn’t help that I have to try to force myself to realize that my “sh*tty” 1200 on the SAT wasn’t my fault, but actually the fault of the lack of generational wealth. In high school I was going to school from 7:05 am-2:55 pm, then having late musical rehearsals until 10 pm everyday and juggling AP and Honors classes; all of this was to spice up my college admissions applications. This all happened leading up to my SAT, and led me to run on 3-5 hours of sleep a night. Yet, I dared to be disappointed in myself for “only” getting a 1200.
If I had the wealth to afford a tutor and the privilege to say no to a few extracurriculars for the sake of my sanity, I would have gotten better than that 1200, or at the very least, the money to retake the test. That 1200 made me question my worth and even was a factor in giving me less academic scholarship money from Augie, but it was never my “fault.”
Don’t even get me started on the imposter syndrome that hits minorities the hardest. It’s depressing coming back home over break to work the same old retail job and see that all your coworkers are ethnic minorities like yourself, with your bosses all being majority white, and the customers you cater to also white. It starts to beat at your self worth and make you feel like all you’ll ever be is a minimum wage worker and that somehow you being at college is cheating the system.
Essentially being a Latina and first generation college student can be depressing on top of the already numerous stressers that come with being a regular college student. While none of us can directly fix the “system,” it doesn’t hurt to try, or at the very least be more considerate.
While I can’t fix my situation, I can sure as hell fight to make it better for those who come after me. It’s no wonder I’m a journalism and political science major- the world needs more voices like mine who can instigate change.