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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Augustana chapter.

When I was a child, I would lie to adults

about things I knew

and things I didn’t. 

I purposefully got questions wrong

on tests far too easy for me

and would wait five minutes after I finished

to turn them in. 

I asked questions I knew the answers to

and I would laugh along to jokes I didn’t like. 

I do not know “me” without another

and I have no personality alone. 

Everything I know about myself, I learned from others. 

Everything I know about beauty, I learned from ugliness. 

Everything I know about gentleness, I learned from the cold.

I perform the role of myself daily. 

It is not natural and it is exhausting. 

I lie to the friends

that I adopted a personality that is not mine

to make and maintain. 

Prescription tretinoin clearing my skin

and soft warmth radiating from my body;

the stench of vanilla perfume and manipulation. 

All this effort to make it look effortless. 

I have played a role for so long that I do not know myself without it. 

I am an impostor to myself—

I’ve created a life I am in love with, 

friends and family I adore,

but I fear that it is not my own. 

I fear I am not my own. 

Mak Winkiel

Augustana '27

Hello! My name is Mak, and I go by they/them pronouns. I'm a part of the Augustana College class of 2027, and I'm a History/Sociology-Anthropology double major (hopefully adding either a French or WGSS minor to that). I'm your classic insufferable angry queer feminist poet with too many opinions and too much time on her hands. Give me any topic and I'll write up a little rant about it, no problem, though I occasionally struggle with speaking out loud. I absolutely love to write and draw and sing, and I know way too much information about the band Fall Out Boy. I don't necessarily believe in astrology, but I'll admit it's a hobby of mine (I'm a Leo sun, Cancer moon, and Capricorn rising). My main goal is to work towards a better, safer future, both on campus and out in the world, for *all* women and feminine-aligned individuals, as well as to examine, understand, and deconstruct the sociology of gender and patriarchy in our society today. I'm always open to discussion and constructive criticism of any and everything I write on here — no one is perfect, myself included. Just shoot me a message or find me on campus. Love and support to all!