Most young ladies think of their future in steps of some assortment; go to college, find a job, get married, and then have children later down the road. But a 23-year-old from the University of Alabama is both married and in graduate school, and she wanted it to be that way.
A professor told my class that young people who are married during college are actually just as good or better students than those who are not married during college. It came by surprise to me because of the way almost everyone talks about young people who want to get married. A Grandpa will say “You are still just a baby” or a friend will say “I think you should live a little first.”
I talked to the first year grad student about the stereotypes of young married people, and she has some great tips for anyone who is in a serious relationship. She completed undergrad with Summa Cum Laude honors, and she is now a graduate research assistant and has been a wife for over a year.
What was the main reason you decided to get married so early?
We dated for four years and we were in a long distance relationship for a majority of that time, so we were tired of living separate lives.
Do you think your decision to get married in your early twenties makes you immature?
No, I don’t think so. It is not the wrong way; it is just a different way. It was my choice, and it is my life. What is best for me may not be the same for others, but it worked out that getting married was the best choice for me and my now husband. We wanted to build our lives together instead of merging them later on. There is no easy way to be married, and there are tradeoffs every couple will face based on their situation, whether they decide to marry early or wait. For example, being this young sometimes makes it more difficult financially, but we also get to have more experiences together.
Why do you think society is so against young people getting married during school?
I think it can just be a hardship that not everyone wants to deal with. Another reason is, because of the traditional reason to marry, people equate a young woman getting married to weakness, and that has to change.
What do you think when someone says “You don’t even know who you are yet! How can you make a commitment like that?”
The kind of person you turn out to be is not predetermined, it is molded based on your experiences and you decide what kind of person you are and want to be. We are just becoming who we are, together.
Her husband chimed in:
People think they are going to be different after college because they are actually going to be somebody (themselves, not the cookie cutter drunk Greek they thought they were supposed to be during college). Everyone just wants to be a college version of themselves first, and then get serious later. It’s a choice.
Has being married affected your grades?
It has just put things into perspective. Making a “B” instead of an “A” is not a huge deal anymore. Before I was married, I studied and made time for having a life, now I have a life and I make time for studying. Funnily enough, I still make good grades without all the stress I used to out on myself.
What are most people’s responses when you tell them you are married already?
Whenever we were engaged, it was the stereotypical response like “Oh, you’re too young to get married,” “Why are you getting married already?” Now that I am in grad school, people don’t say that kind of stuff because, even though I still have some classes with upper level undergrads, there are many people who are grad students that are married. I am not associated with the undergrad lifestyle.
Do you have fun still, like the college version of fun?
*what people think we do for fun*
*what we actually do*
We have our friend circles still, but we have to make choices a little differently than singles. One time I was invited to a party with the club volleyball team, and everyone else on the team is a single undergraduate student. I found out that there were going to be guys at the party too. I asked myself, do I bring my husband? We talked about it, and I decided not to go just because the party wasn’t exactly my scene anyways. But yes, we still do regular going out just like any other college student.
*all your single friends want to party*
*but you happily have a permanent plus one*
Do you think you take marriage just as serious as older couples?
Absolutely, I knew it was going to be difficult. How can you not take marriage seriously?
*When someone says marriage isn’t easy*
What have your biggest fights been about?
The biggest arguments have been about me wanting to do things as an individual, instead of thinking about the unit. I sometimes forget that I my decisions do affect someone else. We decide on what classes I take, when to visit family out of town, and when a good time during the day is to do homework, together. We do that to make sure we have time for each other at the end of every day.
What do you think it would be like to get married right after you turn 22? Leave us a comment below!
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