Do you remember the week in gym class when you learned about the birds and the bees? Was it awkward when you learned about putting a condom on a banana and how your period works? I remember that week vividly. It was in middle school, and it was the most uncomfortable three days of my education. However, I don’t feel like sex education taught me enough. Here are three things I wish sex education would teach.
- The Rules of Attraction
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Sure, sex education taught us how to protect ourselfs during sex. Why didn’t they teach the difference between being attracted to someone and lusting after someone? In the era of one-night stands and friends with benefits, how do you know the difference between crushing on someone while you are on a date and lusting after someone on a date? I think when you are going on a date and thoughts cross your mind of how cute the person is or how nice they look that you are crushing, and are attracted to that person. When you are looking at that person and wanting to strip them of their clothes and see what they have to offer underneath, that is considered lusting after a person. At what point does crushing on a person and lusting for a person does, knowing how to put a condom on a banana come in handy? It does not come in handy at all.
- The Unspeakable: Intimacy
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Sex education taught me the difference between a tampon and a pad, but that class did not teach me the deeper meaning to a relationship. When dating around, people may find what the show “Friends” calls the person’s “lobster”. When someone finds their lobster, that means they have found someone that they want to date longer. So now that the crush phase has passed and the connection has grown stronger between two people, is this where you and this person become more intimate with each other? What does intimacy look like? Is it long conversations about goals in life? Is it looking at that person working on a project and thinking that is the sexiest thing you have ever witnessed? Possibly all of the above.
- Does Abstaining from Sex Increase Intimacy?
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Not everything is about sex. Well, except music, movies, books and other forms of media. Which leads to the idea that everything is actually about sex. The media paints this picture that make up sex leads to your partner staying with you after an argument about infidelity. Another example is that great sex leads to a great relationship, giving false hope that a friends with benefits situation will actually last and turn into a relationship. What isn’t spoken about is not having sex. Is it possible that everything is not about sex? There are different ways to connect with your partner. Reading the same books, liking the same food or music. Going out and enjoying a concert or a hike. Sometimes sex doesn’t make a relationship better, in my opinion it might actually make a relationship shorter. Once the sexual tension is gone and the heat has fizzled, what is left in the relationship? Finding those common interests might actually increase the longevity of the relationship.
When relationships are complicated and boundaries are tested in a romance, I would have appreciated knowing the difference between a crush and lusting after that person. I would have wanted to know if I found my lobster. Not if the condom fits on the banana. Some things you can learn from a YouTube video. Some things you have to experience in life to understand. Knowing what I’m getting myself into when dating would have been more useful than learning about the bird and the bees.