I’m a type-A personality type of person. I like to have everything done right away, and then I have the rest of the day to hang out and do my own thing. But when I’m assigned to work on something, I tend to work really hard on it until I’m completely burnt out. And that was how I felt when I was working on master’s school applications.
I didn’t start looking into furthering my education until I was in the Spring semester of my junior year. I didn’t think about pursuing further education because I didn’t know quite what I wanted to do, but then I had a revelation that changed everything for me.
August rolled around, and I explored all of my options in journalism. I really had my heart set on attending school out of the country. I had the plan to save up my money, finish my undergrad degree, and head over to Colombia for the foreseeable future. Turns out, I just wanted to get away from my mom, who lived 30 minutes from me. I didn’t know this, but I just needed to wait for the first day of school, and then everything would fall into place.
And then it happened! Nothing crazy like you might think, and I didn’t have any magic wands or glitter to tell me that I was in the right place at the right time. I just knew this was something that I wanted to do once I met her: an English professor that has had a lasting impact on me and someone who will always inspire me to be just like her. I mean, not exactly like her. Just practice and explain the same concepts she does, and I was dead set on this.
I called my mom right away and did not let her hang up until I was done explaining myself. Becoming a professor was something that I was dead set on. She agreed to support me, so long as this was the last time I was changing my studies and especially my major. I just think she feared how well-read and seasoned I was becoming, but books and learning were my sanity. They made me feel something.
I started working on my essays, transcripts, and applications right away. With everything due in January, I spent my winter break writing and putting everything together to make sure that I was ready to go. I was stressed until that day because I was so fearful I might miss the deadline or somehow not remember that these schools were in another time zone. But alas, I submitted to four schools and the wait was on. I had no clue just how daunting this task would be.
My patience was running thin, and the thought of my future in the hands of another person (who didn’t know anything about me other than what I submitted) was startling. And then the realization hit me that I have a high possibility of being rejected, and I thought I had better prepared myself for this. But I didn’t approach it like it was my future, I made sure to reassure myself that I had experienced this through internet dating and making friends in classes. But that was half the battle.
I hear my email alert from across the room, check my message, and realize that it was from one of the schools: Brandeis University. I applied to their Women and Gender Studies and Sociology program, and I was excited to be somewhere that my biggest idol of all time had studied, written at, and left her mark on: Angela Davis.
I read the rejection letter with tears in my eyes and my heart in my stomach, but I was riding on the fact that it was my turn to be the mark left somewhere for another to look up to. But this is something that I will continue to take with me.
Since grade school, all that I had wanted was to think I was smart. I felt like I was an oddball because of my struggles with my focus, and I had no care in the world until it came to school band and playing music. I did my homework, not well, but it was good enough to turn in. I found my muse coming to college; studying what I wanted, spacing classes out how I would like (sometimes), and reading books that were interesting to me (and only me).
Choosing schools to apply for their master’s program was more difficult than I thought, but it was something that I really wanted to do. I’m still waiting to hear back from two more schools, but I just have to remind myself that not every school is going to be looking for someone with my interests. And that’s okay.