Single Life Series: Why Dating Terrifies Me

Is it just me or am I the only person afraid to date? Not in the way that I avoid guys or anything like that, but more in the sense that it’s hard to imagine being in a healthy and happy relationship at this point in my life. I know that sounds crazy but hear me out.

Relationships are something that I don’t take lightly. I think the purpose of being with someone is to possibly see if they are the “one”. I don’t have time for f**kboys or games. So when I genuinely like someone, it’s hard to believe.

Most people are afraid of heights or spiders, granted those scare me too, but when it comes to relationships I’m scared for the following reasons:

Current Relationships

My family and friends are the most important thing to me, because they made me who I am today. Once people get into relationships, many get stuck in their love bubble. They focus mainly on their significant other and by default, distance themselves from their friends and family. Relationships change your life because there is a whole new dynamic to being with another person, and there is an adjustment period in which other aspects of your life experience a change, and sometimes friends and family get left out of this process.

My Future

Everyone has goals in life, whether it be becoming an astronaut, teacher, doctor, or television personality. As life goes on you learn that the choices you make and the people you choose to have around can impact whether you achieve specific goals that you have in mind. One day I aspire to have a family, a loving husband and a career that I love, but of those three things I need to focus on establishing my career first.

Wasting Time

Nowadays everyone is focused on making sure that they don’t get played so they learn to play the game really well. With multi-dating, ghosting, and heart-wrenching read receipts, it feels like everyone is putting up more and more walls so that they don’t have to deal with their emotions. This ends up causing more problems than solutions when it comes to dating.

Losing Myself

As I’ve gone through college I have learned that I change so often, sometimes it’s hard for me to even keep up. This time in college is so precious because we have this amazing opportunity to grow and figure out what we want and why we want it. Once you are in a relationship, you are focused on your partner’s needs and wants. You become part of a pair and see yourself as part of a “we” rather than an “I”. Maybe it’s all the rom-coms I’ve watched over the years, but I don’t want to figure out what I need 2, 3, or even 10 years too late at the expense of being in a less than satisfying relationship.

Heartbreak

The inevitable, tear-jerking, ice cream-eating, Adele-playing heartbreak. The rest of the reasons above can all be worked through depending on you and the person you are with, but this is the one thing everyone is afraid of no matter what they say. Having your heart broken is like having a throbbing headache that the best of ibuprofen can’t even fix. You can’t think, sleep, and you’re in immense pain but no one can see it. That is the catch-22 with love. The feeling of butterflies and smiling ear to ear is amazing, but in the end that feeling of heartbreak kills - so is it worth it?

I know all these fears may make me sound like a pessimist. Trust me I’m not, I love love more than anything. But in my mind it confuses me and I wonder why we don’t talk about our fears when it comes to dating and relationships outside of movie plots. It gives us false hope and unrealistic expectations. Addressing fears and concerns makes it easier to communicate what you expect and need in a relationship, because in the end... those fears can end up changing us for the better.