So sex. I know nothing about sex (well not really). The best information I get is from movies and TV shows, which are definitely not the most accurate. They either show ridiculous expectations or they make it look like there’s no such thing as awkwardness between the sheets. As someone who has no experience, I can’t really say much, but for many friends I’ve talked to, there is no such thing as a perfect first time.
Think about it. You know the scenes where there are candles everywhere and the couple stares into each other’s eyes and it’s like they immediately know what to do? No. Just—-no. Unfortunately, we’re not telepathic so it isn’t that easy. Movies love to sugarcoat sex and make everything beautiful, but for my fumbling college existence, I don’t think I can even get to that level on my very first try. If you can, kudos. But like seriously—kudos to you! That takes skill.
The point is, perfection doesn’t really exist and our sex lives aren’t an exception. With these things, we tend to pressure ourselves a little too much. Sometimes to the point where we’re freaking out and comparing ourselves to impossible standards.
Sex in films also play quite a role in how many of us feel about our physical traits because many of the flaws that we have aren’t depicted. So then it becomes a cycle of both feeling bad about our sex lives and how we look. Crappy, right?
So how can we deal with this? Communication and sex education! (Not the show but that’s good too.)
When I mean communication, I literally mean it. If you decide to move onto that step, just know it’s totally fine to talk to your partner. According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, communication during sex is linked to more sexual satisfaction. I know this type of stuff is harder for women. You know, because the world just loves to throw our self-esteems in the garbage like it’s a freaking competition. However, letting each other know what you like or don’t like doesn’t mean the moment is any less romantic. As the study indicates, communicating will make things a lot better.
Now, on the whole sex education thing, it’s true that many schools don’t really educate students much or at all on these sort of topics (which really is a problem). Thankfully, Planned Parenthood still exists. I really do recommend connecting with them when in need of sex help, whether it’s to discuss STD’s, birth control, or even your basic health. They’re there to help you. Other resources involve talking to a doctor or even communicating with friends and family to get the conversation going.
Overall, I just want to remind everyone that our sex lives dosen’t have to be perfect. The scenes on the big screen have mushed our brains into thinking sex happens so flawlessly with all the telepathic looks but that isn’t necessarily true. What matters is that you keep yourself educated and never be afraid to communicate. It’s corny but true—-communication is key!