It amazes how I’ve been alive through my zany grammar school self, the awkward junior high years, the steady decline of high school, and now in my third year at a world-renowned university, yet I am still figuring out how to love myself. I’ve proven myself academically, intellectually, and ethically. I’ve had plenty of hard conversations and tough tensions between friends and family, yet I still haven’t solved the problem of self-love with the person who matters most: Myself!
I’ve noticed my love for eavesdropping when I’m at Target, people-watching at the mall, or even in between classes. It’s an entertaining way to pass time, and I’m not even ashamed to admit that I enjoy doing what I do. So, I’ve taken a liking to podcasts. It’s a conversation, and when I listen to them, they make me feel like I am eavesdropping. It’s a great way to trick your brain into thinking you’re doing something you want to do when you’re also learning something new! With that, I’ve learned my love for feminist ethics and modern philosophy, and I’ve heavily gravitated toward New Yorker staff writer, Jia Tolentino, and her thinking methods. She covers plenty of topics, ranging from the sexualization of women in society to how we are never our true selves because of social media. It’s amazing to see her thinking patterns, and I aspire to be equally, if not more, intelligent as she is.
In one of Tolentino’s recent conversations, she mentions how society makes loving yourself such a selfish act, and then breaks it down into understanding that it’s taking care of who you are by putting your horse before the cart, rather than focusing on the needs of others. That sparked something in me into journaling just how important self-love really is. Everyone around us preaches the importance of self-care. It looks very different to ourselves than the next person, yet we are so lost in questioning the logistics behind what self-care is meant to look like. I know that I gravitate toward washing my sheets, vacuuming my floors, and even taking a hot shower. I love feeling clean and like I have a fresh start. I often guilt myself when I tell someone no to hanging out or cancel plans I might have. However, I’ve grown more aware of how in tune I’ve become with myself.
When thinking of self-care, the social norm is to be your own best friend for a while. Take yourself out. Treat yourself, some might add. It’s also a time to reflect and process the world around you before you add more people to it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am an advocate for self-care. Especially the kind that is colored “selfish” by people offended that they are watching others use their time in favor of that. Let me ask the other this: When have you taken care of yourself? When have you canceled plans because you didn’t feel like going?
If and when someone else’s self-care moment is contrary to your emotions, it doesn’t mean that it is less than relevant. I rest my case and argument in that approaching plenty of stances is something that we all need to work on, not just at our immediate level of contact.
Love yourself, love your being, love your body and soul. You taking time alone is not selfish, and anyone who speaks against it is not worth your time. Do a face mask, buy the bag, read the book. No one will stop you when you start, you just have to decide who to tell before you begin.