It’s when I have his favorite tune stuck in my head, when I binge watch his favorite show, or crave his favorite bizarre concoction of a drink that I start to wonder, “Who have I become?” I ask myself jokingly, casually, and seriously all at once. Naturally, people help shape our self identity, especially when in a relationship. I find it interesting that something so personal as self-identity is molded by others and not much by yourself!
Relationships help everyone grow as individuals. Even when you are no longer with your partner, they leave you with a piece of themselves that is essentially a piece of you. I have John* to thank for showing me what Uber was when it started, Ethan* for my weird obsession for Ikea pizza, and Zac* for my insane love for The Strokes. However, looking back at previous relationships, I remember feeling not myself.
When John would moan about my jamming out sessions while showering due to my ‘boring music’, when Ethan would feel nagged to eat at my favorite restaurant, when Zac would make jokes about my favorite movie being garbage, I felt that my core identity, pre-relationship, was being overshadowed and denied.
And you might be thinking, “Wow, they were horrible boyfriends” and that might be kinda true…But when I would bring up how much it bothered me, they would apologize, and try to improve on it.
Your self-identity is why your partner fell for you, so one should never feel like it’s not valued when in a relationship. You should be able to jam to your own music while cruising together and take turns eating at each other’s favorite restaurants. Let your self-identity shine through it all since you are you. Going into my fourth relationship, I have been able to welcome in my partner to help mold me, not to his standards, but by what I choose to change within myself.
*Names have been changed