Change is scary. It’s terrifying. Most of the time, I run the opposite way—scratch that, I always run away from it. And recently, I’m definitely guilty of this, especially with this school already slapping me right in the face. Is that healthy? Definitely not, but man, it’s just so hard not to turn the other way with my tail between my legs.
Ever since I was little, I was always the quiet shy kid that stayed all the way in the back or front (depending where I was least likely to have any sort of human contact) and I became okay with that. Hell, it became my normal and that was just perfect for someone like me who has no idea what to do with the concept of change except turn into a big ball of anxiety.
My first year in college, I was a mess. It’s true that as the year went by, it became easier until everything was a routine and I found a normal again. So here I thought with freshman year done, then sophomore is bound to be way easier into getting myself back on track but, Nope! I got a big fat You thought! plastered on my forehead the first couple days since I’ve been back.
I was confused honestly. How could this be? I already went through the whole awkward phase of trying to find friends and I already had a decent idea of where everything was yet, here I was…stressed and alone. I wasn’t living in my old dorms anymore, instead I had a new apartment and most of my close friends were scattered across the city and harder to reach. I was back to square one and realized, even if I was going back to the same school and was more or less surrounded by the same people, everything was still different. Like they say, “Change is inevitable.” As much as I hate that bloody quote, it’s annoyingly true.
It’s so corny and mushy and I get it, change is going to happen whether we like it or not. Question is, how do we deal with it? What do we do with all this change? Well, after hours of having mini heart attacks every so often from the stress and fear of no longer having a “normal”, I gradually began feeling okay again. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments where I feel like running all the way back home where it’s warm and safe but this time, I try to stop. And breathe.
To cope with the feeling of losing control, I’ve been finding a combination of my old normal and a new normal. I’ve found ways to reach my close friends even with the distances and I’ve gone back to my old job which actually has helped a lot more than expected. Seeing my old coworkers and going back to the same old routines took my mind off of things. I reminded myself that it’s okay. Even though some things have changed, I can find my normal again. It takes time but it’ll happen, and it won’t be so bad anymore.
First days are a pain, we all know this. But the second, the third and so on is when things get better little by little. Change can hit us pretty hard but we just gotta punch that little bugger right back.