Our nation is more politically divided than ever. But this is beginning to change as social justice movements and activists gain more recognition among the mainstream. The latest election may have caused tension between family members and arguments over how people should act or how the country should operate. These disagreements don’t do anyone any good. Instead, civilized conversations allow each party to better understand the opposing party’s views.
In general, younger generations seem to be more accepting of different cultures, identities, and sexualities. On the contrary, older generations are typically set in their traditional ways. Maybe a family member of yours has made a racist, xenophobic, misoginistic, homophobic, or otherwise offensive comment and you wanted to speak up to correct them but were too afraid to. It can be difficult to tell someone that what they’re saying is unacceptable without beginning a full blown argument. Naturally, we seek approval from our parents and elders, so it can be daunting to tell them that they’re wrong as it would most likely make them upset. So, how do we have pleasant conversations about politics, ethics, and more without causing problems?
Follow this advice on how to talk to your family about issues you don’t agree on:
- Don’t Be Confrontational
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Approaching a conversation in a confrontational manner will only end up in an argument. Remember that it’s a conversation, not a debate. You want your family to listen to you, not feel the need to be defensive. Starting the conversation with something along the lines of, “You’re wrong because…” only invalidates your family’s opinions. Your goal is to get your family to understand your point of view, not to feel attacked by it. Abandon the idea of winning an argument or convincing your family they’re wrong. Instead, try to have a conversation in which each party leaves with a better understanding of why the other holds their certain beliefs.
- Recall Your Own Ignorance
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Your parents and elders may simply lack information about certain subjects, which may be the cause of their wrongfulness. You could start the conversation out of a place of ignorance that you once had. For instance, if you were raised in a pro-life household but you changed to pro-choice once you were more knowledgeable, then provide your family with the facts and statistics that changed your mind. You want your family to understand where you’re coming from and why; evidence to support your points will help your family realize the truth.
- Remember The Context For Their Beliefs
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Your older family members may be set in traditional beliefs because of how they were raised. We are growing up in a vastly different time than your grandparents did. Your family’s particular set of life experiences has surely shaped their opinions and values. Their opinions may have been supported, taught, and encouraged by everyone around them for years. New generations trying to change traditional ways of life naturally results in backlash from older generations. Your family may fear change because they don’t quite understand it, not because they’re stupid.
- Don’t Expect Immediate Change
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Don’t go into a conversation expecting your family to completely change their mind about something immediately. It’s unrealistic to expect someone’s core values, philosophy of life, etc. to change after just one conversation. The key is to leave your parents and elders more knowledgeable about a subject so they are more open-minded and curious for the next conversation.
- Be Patient
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As stated in the previous point, you will most likely not change anyone’s mind in one conversation. However, gradually, over time you can help your family open up to and accept other perspectives. You must be willing to have many honest, productive, and healthy conversations for change.
Using these techniques, you can have real conversations, not debates, about societal issues. Being able to converse about different, or even unacceptable ideas, doesn’t mean that you condone those beliefs. You are just trying to help your family understand your perspective or why something is wrong without causing an argument or wrecking relationships. Even if your family doesn’t agree with you in the end, you at least want them to understand and accept the validity of other ways of life.