So this summer I was ghosted by someone I had considered my best friend, which sucked. It really had a negative impact on my summer I have come to a few conclusions though, through this happening, which applies to ghosting in friendship, relationships, and even jobs.
- They won’t give you closure, you have to find closure for yourself
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They have ghosted you, and even if they come back months or years down the road, their explanation or apology isn’t going to change how you feel. You may even feel that their reason isn’t enough of one to make cutting someone off a necessity and that’s okay. But the likelihood of them coming back around is incredibly low, so you have to find the closure yourself. What that looks like is different for everyone. Deleting photos from Instagram, throwing out things that remind you of the friendship, or taking down pictures of them from around your mirror and throwing away cards from them. Heal in your own way, just make sure it’s a healthy way and not toxic to other friendships.
- Their ghosting is likely less about you and more about them
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They may desire to end the friendship, but they avoid conflict, or they’re going through something in their own life. But ghosting you and others is a byproduct of their own stuff and not about you as a person. So try not to take it personally, although it feels very personal. That person has made a conscious choice to end the relationship and no longer talk and interact with you. Which feels personal, but it’s more about that person’s inability to maintain healthy relationships and communicate effectively.
- If someone feels it’s okay to ghost you, they probably aren’t the kind of friend you want
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Do you want to waste energy hoping that they will come around and apologize when it’s likely that they will do the same thing all over again? Creating healthy boundaries for yourself in saying ghosting isn’t an acceptable method of ending a friendship you can begin to cultivate new friendships with healthy communication.
- Don’t let it stop you or create fear over forming new friendships
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One person showing poor character in ghosting should not put you off forming new friendships. You may feel hurt, but letting that person stop you from creating new friendships is giving them more power than they deserve. Especially when they have treated you so poorly. People will come and go from our lives, but we have to put ourselves out there for people to come into our lives in the first place.
- Forgive them
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You don’t have to forget what this person has done, but for your own health, it is important to forgive them. Holding in anger or resentment towards the person is more damaging to ourselves and other relationships than just forgiving them. Otherwise, it can contribute to poor mental health, and in the age of self-care, sometimes forgiving others is an act of caring for ourselves.
Ultimately, my friend ghosting me really hurt because I had shared so much of myself with someone that deleted me from their life so easily. I am so lucky through this that I have a supportive and loving family and other friends that have been there for me. It has brought me closer to my other friends in sharing what has happened, and just reminded me again not only to treat others the way I want to be treated but knowing my own worth in the process.