Edited by: Fiza Mishra
The type of music we listen to says a lot about us. So this is me trying (yes, that’s the Taylor Swift reference) to judge you. Yes, you. On your personality. Just on the basis of your top Spotify artist. Will I do this purely on the basis of stereotypes and my very personal experiences, which are totally subjective and don’t apply to anyone else? Absolutely!
The Weeknd:
His music is a vibe. You’ll know a Weeknd fan when you meet one. Why? Oh, because they will tell you, probably within the first 10 minutes of meeting them. Call me heartless (yes, another song reference), but anyone who has The Weeknd as their number 1 artist is a red flag. Fuckboy vibes for real.
Billie Eilish:
She is the mainstream pop artist for people who do not listen to mainstream pop. Her music is for the ‘I am a teenager and I don’t want to get out of my room’ people. Either way, you might be just like the other pop listeners, just saying. Still, her music is pretty amazing and a lot of her songs are bops.
Doja Cat:
In her words, you’re a real bad bitch. Her music is a mix of rap and pop, just like you are a combination of fun and cool. You like partying and dancing, and all Doja fans I know are super outgoing, confident and addicted to watching reels. That’s all you Need to Know.
Phoebe Bridgers:
GOTH GIRLS UNITE. The fact that the top comment on every one of her music videos is “HELLO LGBTQ COMMUNITY” should tell you everything about her fan base. Their closets probably need more color and they probably should smile a little more than once a year. Now that halloween is over they will crawl back into their caves.
Metallica (or any other metal band):
We get it. You are a metal head. Now stop making it your whole personality. Also, please stop asking people to name three songs when you see them wearing a metallica t-shirt. It’s annoying.
K-Pop:
There are primarily two types of K-pop listeners— the ones who are in it for the lyrics and the meticulous choreographies and production, who truly appreciate the effort that goes into making these songs, and the 14 year olds who only listen to BTS and are in it just for the hype. If you are in the second category, please get a life.
2000s Bollywood music:
I love you. This is where all music peaked for real. Nothing speaks to our generation like this does. But I’m really sorry to burst your bubble but your dupatta is not gonna get stuck in anyone’s watch, and that hopeless romantic inside of you yearning for that filmy romance while listening to these songs is not happening (oops did my bitterness show?). Just listen to the music and keep your expectations real, kids.
Taylor Swift (aka the music industry):
Let’s face it, you are basic: basically the best! Your music taste is elite. Her music is perfect for literally any situation. Have a crush? Listen to enchanted. A man with too much audacity tried to mansplain something to you? Listen to mad woman. Existential crisis? This is me trying. Had a bad day? Shake it Off. Did I write the whole article to talk about Taylor Swift? Maybe. She has songs for every situation and blondie always has your back.
Some other special mentions:
One Direction: Please grow up. Their songs are okay but it has been so long since they have disbanded that having them as your top artist is just a no for me.
Lana Del Rey: You have daddy issues. Or mommy issues. Maybe both. At least you have good taste?
Arctic Monkeys: VIBE. Also, Alex Turner <3.
The Neighbourhood: You are not as cool or quirky as you think you are.
Now that I have ranted about people’s music taste and established that my opinion is the only right opinion, I would like to thank you all for coming to my TED Talk. I hope you had fun. I know I did!