Edited by: Bhavika Rawat
T-minus 19 days
There is an expectation of excitement. My best friend who lives 5 states away just sent me a text with the countdown. Trepidation is the only word that seems appropriate to describe my feelings at the moment. What if no one shows up at 12 a.m.? What if the people who are invited show up empty handed because they did not really care what or who they were celebrating—they just came for the cake?Â
T-minus 18 days
My dad is asking me what I want this year. I just want to come home and be with people who actually care. I cannot tell him that—he would just get worried— besides, I went home for Diwali like a week ago. I come to the realisation that home cannot be replaced. The second thought is filled with guilt. Why do I need so much from people? Why do I need them to show proof of their love for me to accept that they do in fact care?
T-minus 17 days
I wait for any hints from my friends here acknowledging that they remember something important is coming up but to no avail. Or maybe they are waiting for the big day to reveal their planning. Shooting myself in the foot yet again, aren’t I? My desperate attempts to emulate Zendaya when she said, “Expect disappointment and you will never be disappointed” remain just that—desperate.Â
T-minus 10 days
The excitement is building up. The people I hang out with on a daily basis have started asking me what I am planning to do on the big day. A friend jokingly asked me to give everyone a treat. I guess there is nothing to worry about. Although I still do not know how I am going to spend the day, there is hope that I will not be alone.
T-minus 5 daysÂ
Received a parcel from my mom. She told me it got delivered earlier than it was supposed to. I apparently cannot open it before 5 more days. It has been wrapped with glossy paper and even has a pink bow on top of it. I cannot wait! If nothing else, my mom always comes through.Â
T-minus 1 day
I have waited 365 days for tomorrow. And it is almost here. My sister told me it is in my hands to make myself happy. I guess she is right, but it is just so much easier to depend on someone else and then be disappointed when they inevitably fall short of your expectations. This time, however, it is going to be different. I will choose to be excited. I will choose to be jovial. I will choose not to let others and their actions bring me down because whoever does anything for me, however small, should be appreciated. I should be grateful for them.
Despite my high claims, tomorrow may lead to nothing more than a whole lot of tears.
We will see….