Edited by: Sahana Inuganti
“WEIRD”
🔊 /we-uhrrd/
Similar: Weird/ Wierd/ Wired?/Paagal/ Eccentric/ Ajeeeeeb/ Quirky
definitions:
boomer OP:
- “No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.” ~ Aristotally wise chacha
critically acclaimed:
- “Aisa lag raha hai jaise bandar ke sar pe tarbooz.” ~Andaz Apna Apna
genuine:
- “That’s crazy. No wait, that’s freaking genius.” ~ Audience members watching dark humour films starring Sacha Baron Cohen
bollywood:
- “Race 3. Roadies. Rakhi Ka Swayamvar.” ~ Scarred media studies student
Jawani jaan-e-mans & haseen dilrubas,
Welcome to the first edition of the Ajooba Awards! We’re here to raise a toast to the adjective we love most: weird. The world is full of ajoobas, and here, we celebrate their quirks. You’re going to leave this award show feeling either like a genius or like you’ve just witnessed absolute fluff.
Without further ado, let’s take a look at the nominations!
- Weirdest gangster name
Nominees: Faheem Machmach// Tahir Taklya// La Barbie// Cyanide Mohan// Junior Lollipops
What’s the deal with hilarious gangster nicknames? Is this a strategy to make gangsters seem less intimidating? Do they have PR teams for this job? Why aren’t they fired yet? Most importantly, how am I supposed to convince my mother that I’m actually kidnapped, through a ransom call?!
“M-mom? I’ve been k-k-kidnapped.”
“What?!”
“I’ve been kidnapped. They’re demanding a ransom—”
“Who??”
“La Barbie.”
“Barbie?”
“No, no, not that Barbie, La—”
“Are you held hostage in a diamond castle?”
“Mom?! I’m serious!”
“Do one thing, tell Barbie to drop you home on a pegasus. Don’t spend cab money.”
“Mom!! They have guns!!”
“Come before 9 pm if you want dinner, or ask Barbie doll to buy a Happy Meal on the way.”
“MOM PLEASE—”
“Chupp. Come quickly.”
Winner: La Barbie (in a Barbie worlddddd; life in plastic, it’s fantast—sorry, sorry). Though the Mexican-American drug lord’s Wikipedia page says his football coach gave him this name for his fair skin and blue eyes in high school, his latest pictures look different. Poor dude must’ve been so fed up that he got a makeover done (why does that sound like something Barbie would do?) He’s still smiling in this picture, despite being arrested. Whattaguy. Munnabhai should take life advice from this dude.
- Weirdest festival/tradition
Nominees: Monkey buffet festival in Thailand// Cinnamon-throwing in Denmark// Bathroom ban in Indonesia// Penis festival in Japan
Brace yourself. The monkey buffet festival comprises a full-fledged array of dishes for ‘macaque’ monkeys in Thailand to feast on, to bring good luck (King Julian is probably packing his bags as hears this).
In Denmark, unmarried 25-year-olds have copious amounts of cinnamon thrown on them. For being single, yes. If they’re still unmarried at 30, cinnamon gets substituted with pepper. That’s just mean. It’s ‘tanha dil, tanha safar’, not ‘tanha dil, tanha suffer’. Why the drama? We’re all going to die alone anyway.
In Indonesia, newlywed couples of the Tidong community aren’t allowed to use the bathroom for 3 days due to fear of bad luck. BRB, praying that the couple didn’t have the equivalent of a mooli-ka-paratha counter at their reception.
Winner: Japan’s Penis festival or the ‘Kanamara Matsuri’ wins. Although the name might sound ridiculous, the festival symbolizes the creation of life, fertility, and the celebration of sex. I’d hand the baton to any nominee, but here, logic didn’t completely leave the chat.
- Weirdest ice cream flavour
Nominees: Cold Sweat// Squid Ink// Tiger Tail// Boogers// Horse Flesh
Winner: Sis, please. No, just no. The only taste that seems remotely relatable is the Squid Ink one. Remember when you tried blowing air into an ink barrel to get a pen to work, but you accidentally blew inwards, staining your entire tongue blue? Blech (*thisisfine.jpeg*)
- Weirdest baby name
Nominees: X AE A-12// Marijuana// Number 16 Bus Shelter// Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii// ABCDE
You can tell someone’s first name is ‘quirky’ (for non-defamation purposes, please) when you just can’t pronounce it or when it’s over 3 words. Honestly, I feel a bit sad for these kids. If ‘ X AE A-12’ wanted to register for the COVID vaccine, they would’ve probably been given two captcha codes to prove they’re not a robot. But picture this: if ‘Number 16 Bus Shelter’ got into a fight with someone at the 16th bus shelter and they’re asked, “Yeh stand pe tera naam likha hai kya?” they’d reply with, “Haan likha hai, kya ukhaad loge?” for real. Plot twist.
Winner: Everyone’s a winner here because the parents who named these kids took, “What’s in a name?” way too seriously. But here’s the ultimate lesson: name your kid ‘Awesome’; they’ll have no self-esteem issues. They’ll introduce themselves with, “Hi! I’m Awesome!” Imagine Starbucks baristas saying, “Frappuccino for Awesome!” as Awesome swaggers past everyone to take their order. Awesome is Awesome even if they aren’t awesome. Click here for awesome-ness.
- Weirdest movie title
Nominees: Jal Bin Macchli Nritya Bin Bijli// Salim Langde Pe Mat Ro// Pepsi Peeke Lagelu Sexy// Shin Shinaki Boobla Boo
Hold up. Is this real? You’re either trying to process the nominees you’ve just read or you’re probably re-reading the list wondering why ‘Khoon Mein Tale Samose’ or ‘Howrah Bridge Par Latakti Laash’ didn’t make the cut (true charades connoisseurs know). Wouldn’t you want to be a part of these writers’ rooms? What was their thought process like? What were these guys on? Who approved these titles? So many questions. You could even pitch your own title— ‘Dark Circles: Neend Ka Balidaan Yaa Phir Chudail Ki Nishaan?’
Winner: Shin Shinaki Boobla Boo, hands down. Why? Try saying this out loud with a straight face on. Now you know why.
That’s all, folks! Actually, that isn’t all. The host has 5 other categories, should there be another part to this. The viewership for this show is currently at a whopping one million one person who’s kind enough to chance upon this article someday. Whoever you are, thank you.