The 7 (Imaginary) Husbands of a Delusional College Student

Edited by : Navya Gupta

1. The Library 

They’re always at the same corner desk in the seat right opposite your favourite one, monopolising the plug point for the singular iPad they bring. Your side of the table looks like a crime scene of ink and highlighter. They have those enormous headphones on and their face is buried in a book you’d never pick up. You’ve never spoken, but all that accidental eye contact and sharing the table till 4am has to count for something. a

You start tracking their little habits: the way they flick their pen against the desk when they’re thinking, the absent-minded sip from a gallon bottle of water (they’re definitely a gym rat), the occasional sigh when a paragraph refuses to make sense. Their phone wallpaper is a picture of a dog. Once, they slid a stray sticky note back to you when it floated onto their side of the table. It was blank, but for a fleeting, delusional moment, you convinced yourself it was a love letter.

2. The TA 

You don’t even like math—you very much despise it, actually—but somehow, you’re yet to miss a single lecture. The discussion sections are unhelpful because who wants to learn about fractal dimension when you can stare at their stupidly good hair instead. 

They’re approachable in a “I’ll never approach them” kind of way, and you spend half the semester contemplating whether to request their Instagram, and the other half Googling whether it’s legal to date a TA (it’s not worth the trouble, trust me). You email them because it’s too nerve-wracking to attend office hours, and you re-read the email that says “great work on the assignment” (not even a signature) twelve times. Three weeks into the next semester you hear how they’ve been in a relationship for the last four years and try not to scream.

3. The Gym 

Every Tuesday at 7pm, they’re on the treadmill next to yours. Every Wednesday at 7:30pm, they’re near the weight racks. You’ve never exchanged more than a head nod and a half-smile of recognition, but in your mind, they’re your post-workout smoothie date. Assignment due? You can just stay up and finish it. Readings left to do? Why do them when there’s a hundred other people in the class to speak for you. You haven’t missed a Tuesday run in months, and maybe you hang around the weights a little too long for someone who uses them for everything but upper body workouts. It’s the slightest bit obsessive, but at least it’s regular cardio.

4.  The Group Project 

When the professor assigns groups, you pray to be in theirs. And when it actually happens, you try not to overthink it. They’re effortlessly smart, the kind of person who actually reads the rubric, and their Google Docs are somehow always perfectly formatted. They text in complete sentences, and when they say, “Let’s meet up to go over this,” your brain short-circuits. The late-night library sessions feel like a montage from an indie coming-of-age film. You joke about how much you hate the project, but secretly, you wish it would never end. Then, the presentation happens, the grade is posted, and just like that, your academic situationship is over. They’ll say “we should hang out sometime” when the project ends, but you both know it’ll never happen. 

5.  The “Once and Never Again” 

You saw them on the lawns during your first week of classes. They were laughing with their friends, wearing a sweater that looked too expensive for a college student. The sunlight hit just right, turning them into a fleeting cinematic masterpiece. In your mind, they’re perfect. In reality, they probably tripped over a curb later that day. It doesn’t matter, though. You’ll romanticize them forever, wondering if fate will let your paths cross again (spoiler: it won’t).

Maybe you see them once more in passing—rushing to class or balancing too many coffee cups—but of course, they don’t recognize you. Still, you hold onto that one perfect moment, turning it over in your head like a scene from a movie.

6.  The Dining Hall 

They’re always there at 8:00 am, sitting by the window on the first floor, which is the only place to get any sunlight at that time of the day. You’ve constructed their whole life story based on their daily breakfast of plain toast, some cereal, and a cup of masala chai in which they put way too much sugar.  Maybe one day you’ll “accidentally” sit near them, because you want some of that sunlight, too. Or maybe not. You wonder if they always eat alone. Maybe they’re half-asleep like you. Maybe they’re just waiting for someone who always arrives after you leave. Either way, they make the 8:30 am class worth it. 

7. The Senior 

They’re in the club you joined this semester: red highlights and piercings in all the cool places. They’re leagues ahead of you because really, a Politics and Philosophy major? They speak with the confidence and eloquence of a seasoned academic, and you kind of want to pick their brain apart. They’re always complaining about their course load and how they haven’t slept in three weeks, but you can never tell from the perfect eyeliner. Their Instagram is full of blurry film photos of concerts and niche book recommendations you pretend you’ve read. You’re pretty sure they’re not single, but really, you couldn’t care less. 

• ASHOKA UNIVERSITY
• college
• delusion
• entertainment
• love
• student