Edited by: Aahana Banerjee
This is exactly who I am. I just happen to hide it really well under so much sunshine, charm and happiness. Capturing your entire personality in one playlist is the easiest thing to do, who would even suspect, right? I could be the stripper, or the sad lonely contemplative mess, the mega simp or the material girlboss. Of course, I strategically made the other irrelevant playlists, just so this one could blend in with the rest of the very adorable and harmless ones. This is exactly how the smartest, swiftest sociopaths work. You will never notice us. You will not even realise what ruined you. We do it silently, and we do it while sitting right beside you. Our best work, in fact, is when we’ve been smiling throughout.
So, if you’ve seen me smile at you and laugh at your extremely lame sense of humour, rest assured I’m most probably plotting your murder in my mind. I can’t stand the stench of your three day old pants, your unwashed hair, and the way you walk with that posture is disgraceful. Who stopped you from evolving? Your fellow neanderthals? Ugh. Pity. It’s banal humour to me, when you geeks raise your trembling hands in class just to get noticed because you’re practically a ghost to the rest of the college, the rest of the day. You still didn’t get picked to answer? Gosh, I’m sorry. I hope your daily meals that make you prone to hepatitis serve as your comfort food. I usually don’t even bother, but please do something about that tote bag that you carry around everyday like your soul rests in it. It’s so dirty and run down, just like you. Even I can tell that it needs to be washed.Â
Seriously? You want to walk around in full-blown wool in 23 degrees? Are you that sensitive?
You know the worst part about your mortifyingly insignificant existence? It’s that little giggle of yours that you use to cover up all your insecurities. Does laughing at your own joke really help your case of self-deflection? Or is it just adding to your mastered skill of self-sabotage even more? Um. I’m sorry to break it to you but there’s not much to sabotage anyway.Â
And I’m not sorry if you bump into me in the corridors. I won’t help you pick up your fallen books. I will not let you stand ahead in the mess line. I also think it’s genuinely funny if you think I will share my notes with you. Your name is underlined in red in my notes. You don’t want to know. You should remain oblivious. It’s easier for both of us that way. Let me smile at you and hex you with a “sure, I’d love to!” and ghost your existence for the rest of both our college degrees. Peaceful defeat of the good side, that’s truly a must. I cannot be bothered by your cries or screams or meek attempts to get away from what I cast on your sorry excuse of a soul. That’s too much chaos with no consequence. I have other people to tend to. I have other lives to make miserable. You’re just one damn formality on my list. You’re not that important, even for the devil. The devil has no time to bargain.
You would imagine it is joyous and incredibly enjoyable squishing these idiots under your thumb. Meek little kids with no sense of self, so watered down by the laughable inconveniences they face, but I’m afraid not. Ugh, these college students. They’re so damn fickle. It’s almost no fun messing with them. Honestly at this point I don’t really care if you ever wronged me or not, I will probably think the most disgustingly accurate thoughts about you behind the warm and welcoming front I present. If you breathe weird and you’re anywhere within a radius of 1 metre, I might just come and haunt you in your sleep tonight. Stop destroying my peace, please. Even the devil gets very little of it. I don’t particularly care about this neuroscience class either, but it’s an obligation so I’ll roll my eyes and spend the bare minimum time on it before I master everything this textbook has to say. I’m smarter than everyone sitting in this seemingly peaceful library. But these exhausted students that you would think are genius, are just trying really hard because their worth is decided by craving for validation. I’m bored, and it’s going to be fun clogging all their gullible minds with further self-doubts. It’ll make for good pre-bedtime entertainment.Â
I mean, everyone here is going to hell. Might as well enjoy the ride?Â