How To Get A Perfect Wattpad Life In 10 Days: A Guide To Internalised Misogyny

 

Edited By: Kavya Mittal

 

For those of you looking for a simple program to get your dream life a.k.a something taken out of Wattpad (the pranks, unrealistic school projects, and of course, being the main character in a man’s life), here is an extensive, and quick-to-follow guide to getting that perfect life, in just 10 simple days!

 

  1. No Makeup

Makeup is nothing but chalky dust that should not make you confident because it is frankly bogus; merely a pretence. You are a poised, cosmopolitan woman! Makeup is the bread and butter for imitators, and not something that you should apply just because you like it. So, dislike it. Very strongly. 

 

But make sure that you have a spontaneous and extroverted best friend who loves giving you makeovers. It is crucial that you whine, and disapprove of the makeover at each step of the way, owing to the innate belief that you have to do what people want.

 

And lastly, you must take off your thick glasses, put on your contacts, wear a dress, and transform into someone that makes you think, "I cannot recognise the person standing in front of me."

 

  1. One Of The Guys

To be undeniably affable and suave, you should not be around girls apart from your one girly, confident best friend! 

 

You have to be one of the guys; talk about sports, have great friendships as you do not bitch about other people (that is strictly reserved for the women to talk about), and eat your stomach’s fill with something apart from salad. Ergo, you are not like the other girls.

 

It is always a plus if you play the Xbox, and Fortnite because none of the other girls plays that. It will help you stand out and become a reliable confidante!

 

  1. Rock Music

Pop music, what is that? Pop music is a strict no if you want to become the quirky yet perfect girl. Your playlists with Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, and Avril Lavigne have to go. 

 

The next step is to listen to bands such as My Chemical Romance, AC/DC, and Blue Öyster Cult. It will help if you memorise the lyrics of a few songs and mouth them as the enigmatic boy sitting beside you listens to it, immediately reeling him in!

 

Furthermore, it is necessary that you put down others who listen to artists such as Camila Cabello, and Ariana Grande because you are not like other girls. thank u, next.

 

  1. Sarcasm

Sarcasm is pivotal in this checklist. You have to be fiery yet shy and provide spontaneous rebuttals, which sound as though they are the echoes of Reddit. The sarcasm will make you seem different and desirable, especially since your confidence will be assumed to be an invitation!

 

It will also help if you make fun of other women. Do not worry about the guilt churning in your stomach; the urge to rant to the boy-next-door alongside him consoling you as you cry about how disappointed you are with yourself will make you the quirky main character!

 

  1. Few Selfies

Scratch that. Take no selfies at all. To pull off the “You don’t know you're beautiful” look, it is essential that you do not shed light on how comfortable you are in your skin. 

 

Instead, be clueless about it (or at least pretend to be), it makes it seem like you are not self-obsessed, because taking pictures of yourself is synonymous with vanity! 

 

Be yourself, be insecure, you don’t know you’re beautiful and that’s what makes you beautiful. Let that be your life motto!

 

  1. The Mysterious Lover

If we are being honest here, there is no point to this list if there does not exist a perplexing, yet charming lover. You have to be infatuated with them, but not the other way around, and it is always better if they have “Stormy blue eyes that have a past behind them.” 

 

Allow yourself to lure them, serve them, and put yourself last. A little bit of glue, tape, and all your energy and self-worth will be enough to dissolve the sorrow in their eyes!

 

  1. No Shopping

You should not enjoy shopping, that is what the other girls do. It is an absolute disgrace if you relish shopping. 

 

Although, it is allowed to go and nonchalantly buy the first item of clothing you see in the store because clothes do not matter to you, and you often hear yourself quoting to others, “I just wear t-shirts and sneakers, why would you want to wear short skirts and high heels?” 

 

But do not mention it to anyone that your effortless look is here only after you pick out clothing from a wish list that it was saved in for months. 

 

Because cool girls do not shop, everything simply fits them!

 

  1. Be Clumsy

If you are clumsy, it will make your meet-cute far quicker, and a great story to share later!

Wearing sneakers with undone laces, giggling every time you trip, and introducing yourself as all kinds of clumsy because it is just that the walls hate you, the chairs and tables are bullies, and the floor gets in your way. 

 

That, and the fact that you are not perfectly poised in your 4-inch heels like the others, will make you stand out.

 

  1. Don’t Be Demanding

Demanding, and knowing your worth are essentially synonyms; women who know what they want and ask for it are just in over their heads. You must be clueless, and believe anything anyone tells you! 

 

A tip: It is easy to sell it if you just smile as though you did not just hear them call you names that no person should be called. 

 

And if they do not respond to your DMs, that is okay, I am sure they have other work to attend to, like the other girl-next-door! And lastly, do not respond to messages too soon! Give it a period of a few hours at the minimum so you do not seem clingy.

 

  1. Romance, and Pink? Ew

Lastly, say no to romance, and yes to horrors. Stating that you enjoy Pride and Prejudice over Gone Girl is an embarrassing detail that no one needs to know! Be the girl who enjoys watching horror films, and mouths the dialogue to Saw, not the one who cries while watching How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days as you eat your weight in ice cream. 

And obviously, roll your eyes at anything that glitters, is pink, or in rose gold. 

 

These are tried-and-tested methods with accurate results, so do not be afraid to experiment; just remember to smile, and beam with pride when he tells you that you are not like the other girls, because trust me, this list will get you there!