Edited by: Arohi Sachar
“Heyyy so I just wanted to ask you
Wait never mind-
I– I have an 11.50, I’ll uh, see you later?
Wait hey, just uh….about yesterday – Was it the drink? Or like, uhhhh was it us?
Huh, who knows.
Must be the drink, right? Your roommate’s cheap cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that’s how.
Was it just me who felt it?
Felt what? Good question, I meant like
Felt dizzy, of course. Hahahahahahahaha! What else? Am I capable of feeling anything else when I’m around you? Hahahaha
Anyway, have a good class and an even better da-
Hahaha oh yeah, I’m seeing you in like 2 hours, what’s wrong with me!
I’ll walk away now.”
Are you for real? You can’t possibly deny the electrical chemistry between us yesterday, when we were dancing to the beats of songs that don’t belong to this generation, staring at each other like nothing else mattered. The lights were a dim shade of purple, and if I remember correctly – forgive my silly little heart, I’m leaving room for some oops – you and me, we were dim shades of red. Not prominent enough for anyone else in the room to notice but prominent enough for us to feel it just as intensely, together.
That platonic inside joke, that platonic 10 minute hug, that platonic cup of tea we shared right before you fell asleep on me, that platonic eye contact every time right before you leave, they’re uh, all platonic. Right? I-
I mean, just confirming. I just needed to know once again, that it was the drink and not us. That’s it really. I really wasn’t here to ask you to hydrate yourself, I wasn’t here to give you that keychain I bought because it reminded me of you. I wasn’t here to make sure you’re doing fine this morning. I wasn’t here to just simply catch a very platonic glimpse at your completely unsuspecting face, that I only think of very platonically. When you tell me about how you spent the evening with her on multiple days, I will laugh it off and tease you about how you’re always confused about your feelings. For some reason, who knows what– you can never be sure of someone. It would be naive, right? For me to assume that the only reason you’re confused is me. How will you ever find someone who makes you laugh like I do? Is it wrong for me to call you my twin flame? Would that phrase do justice to how my heart is constantly on fire when your arm brushes mine?
So all that I’m trying to say really is that feel free to drop by tonight.
Take my arms and spin me around.
Of course, do it platonically. Laugh with me from across the room, just so only we absurdists know what’s so hilarious about this mundane reality we’re staring into. We could take long walks in the moonlit and rainy midnight pavements and talk about our darkest and deepest fears. Let me see you stripped down to your depths.
On the bustling weekdays, let’s sit on the grass and escape the hustle. Time stops with you. Every damn moment. Let me watch you gush about your most recent obsession, as nonsensical as it may be. It’s in those moments when I yearn to memorize your voice.
Let me rest my gaze on you when you’re focused on a trivial activity trying so hard to get it right, just so I can etch into my brain your scintillating eyes. They will be my candles on blackout nights. If you would just stand still in that perfectly ordinary outfit, in the perfectly ordinary pose on the perfectly ordinary day- I could show you how you sparkle so extraordinarily in all that grayness. Stay for one hour longer, I’m learning to adore you. I like it. Am I allowed to? Will you let me?
I’ll make you coffee and we can be fools together for a bit longer. Fools who convince each other that our dreams have a base in reality, fools who believe in forever, fools who even know that they are, indeed, fools. It takes a lot of denial to never acknowledge what there is, when everyone except you can see it. But of course, I will eat up that denial if I get to spend 10 more minutes with you, being completely platonic. You can take my notes for that lecture, I don’t mind teaching you the entire syllabus overnight. Why would I ever want to witness the moon with another soul? She could see us, and laugh too. What a foolish couple of best friends.
Hey! It was such a boring class all I did was think about you-
I mean, about us! Our plan tonight!
Yeah um about that, see you after snacks? Yes of course others will be there too, why would it be just us. That’s weird. Haha.
Hey anyway, if you wanted…only if you’re okay with it….
I hope we can share a glass of gin and find newer, more creative ways to be platonic.
And when you get up to leave, I hope you hug me for a little too long, so you linger even when you’re gone.
So I wake up the next morning to realize I’m humming your favorite song and your habits are slowly becoming mine.
So I see it becoming a little bit harder for me to convince myself that it was indeed, undisputedly platonic– the moment when you took my arms and spun me around.