Edited by: Aneesha Chandra (UG 21)
Disclaimer: This article has been written for purely satirical purposes.
The “university experience”, even a seemingly perfect one, does not lack certain, what may be called, undesirable features.
At Ashoka, in many ways, we are exposed to the pinnacles of privilege with almost everything being done for us, especially by our attentive didis and bhaiyas — so much so that the transition from home to university is almost as smooth as the Velvet Divorce. This is especially true when compared to most other institutions of higher education within the country and outside. For the benefit of those unaware of the event, the Velvet Divorce refers to the split of the erstwhile Czechoslovakia into the Czech Republic and Slovakia in 1993. It is the only peaceful division of a nation-state in the history of mankind, devoid of any sort of bloodshed, protests, or violence.
But the parallel of the university with this historical event is obviously not perfect because perfection is a distant concept and, at the end of the day, the town-hall happened. As a result, Ashoka University life has considerable strife. As we welcome another batch of freshmen, here are a few conflicts that await all those who have a university life written in their stars:
-
Incompatibility with the roommate:
What is the first thing you deal with in the day and the last thing you deal with at night? That would be your phone. But before your phone, comes the roommate. Sometimes, you’re lucky and other times, well, may God help you. AC temperatures, fan speeds, sleep schedules, quirky habits, and cleanliness habits are all factors that can affect one. And once you become a victim of this incompatibility, you decide that you cannot live like this anymore. Your search for a new roommate must begin. And like the Czechs and the Slavs, you and your current room buddy shake hands on it and change roommates in the spirit of good riddance. You don’t necessarily room with your friends because you’ve learnt that souls who may be as different from you as cake and pasta, but who have living habits in sync with yours are the need of the hour. Liking someone’s company in general will not cut the deal this time. One day, you might find yourself wondering whether you and the ex-roommate could’ve been good pals if only you weren’t made to live together.
-
Incompatibility with the floormates:
The unflushed toilets, the dirty dishes in the pantry, and the mysterious case of the refrigerator and the forty-one thefts only begin to describe conflicts with the floormates. The vexed messages left on the WhatsApp groups are met with nods of disappointment and sighs of pity for the victim. And the day comes when you wear the hat of the victim. Then, your rage boils over and you stick notes on the refrigerator or leave carefully crafted texts on the floor WhatsApp group. Messages that are not only representative of your anger at the distasteful behaviour that you have been subjected to, but also put into perspective how this event affects everyone, since this is also a disruption of the floor ethos and the general well-being of all your lovely floormates.
-
Midnight meetings and early morning classes:
What can I say? The struggle is real. Every week you decide to sleep early and every week you repeat the drudges of sleeping late into the night and pushing yourself, with half-closed eyes, to your morning lectures. Breakfast has, for most of these sad souls, become a foreign concept. And breakfast at the mess? Is that even a real thing anymore? For your information, I write this solemn paragraph for those with the 10:10 lectures in mind. If you have 8:30s, well, I am not sure if even God can save your soul, never mind your sleep cycle.
https://unsplash.com/s/photos/early-morning-classes
-
The Laundry Adventures:
We’ve all been there. From Yellow/Blue patches, awkwardly placed laundry bag numbers, or missing a trouser, to finding a new, previously never-encountered shirt — our clothes have lived the most colourful lives of adventure, thanks to the laundry services on campus. Again, an Ashokan privilege, but taken with a grain of salt.
-
The Million On-Campus Events:
Continuing the previous discussion on grains of salt and colourful lives, Ashokan culture, in this respect, is probably the farthest from the Velvet Divorce. There is absolutely no peace. Especially during finals week. Music, stalls, parties, talks, and of course, the million emails reminding us of all these various events, ensure that we remain alien to the concepts of relaxation and peace. But then again, who are we kidding? We’d definitely be worse off with a ‘peaceful’ campus. And at the end of the day, wedl be complaining either way. Never forget, my dear readers, that the grass is always greener on the other side.
https://unsplash.com/photos/7J4T1XzpJgU
This is not me condemning the Ashokan college experience in any way. In fact, if I forget my place and repeat any part of this list to a friend at DU, they’ll probably hit me square in the jaw — and won’t be wrong in doing so. We have a good life but strife exists where life exists. Especially when one is let go from the nest. So maybe this is me documenting how, even in the most perfect circumstances, independence hits us right in the face.