Edited by: Lavanya Goswami
You’re far away from home, farther away than you’ve possibly been, for such a long period of time, perhaps for the first time. There’s so much to experience and enjoy alone. It may have been daunting at first, nonetheless, you urge yourself to go outside your comfort zone: meeting new people, exploring different cultural festivals, participating in a sport you care about (or not), pulling all-nighters with friends, studying for stressful deadlines… Eventually, it became habitual. The path to the mess is no longer an adventure, going to the correct lecture hall in the labyrinth (that is the academic blocks) is still a pain (I genuinely don’t understand the floor plan), work is piling up and the obscurity of sleep has become a problem. Not all the excitement is lost, though. A subject fills you with inquisitiveness, laughter with friends does not go away — if anything, friendship grows stronger, and you’re perhaps experiencing the Delhi Metro for the first time.
All of this must be reported back home — or how much ever you choose to convey, that is.
In the past, communication with loved ones far away would entail writing an elaborate letter where you may even attach some invaluable pictures. The letter would be dropped off at the nearest post office or mailbox and it would take a trip on trucks and trains to be delivered to its destination. As technology progressed, this was replaced by a conversation through a telephone call as you looked anxiously at your balance on the payphone. Ever since, the internet and innovation has boomed with the ability to call, text and video call all at your fingertips.
Yet, a call home can feel difficult.
Even with the advent of such modern telecommunications allowing for easy access to loved ones, the amount of communication is negligible.
In the beginning of the shift to campus, there was an urgency to ‘show and tell’ all that was new. Daily conversations were not completely unimaginable — however curt they must be (teenage angst does persist after all). You would inform them that you’ve eaten and that you’d made friends. You would quell their worries. It was doable. There wasn’t too much to omit, ‘sleep is for the week’ and ‘the world is your oyster’,as long as it hasn’t affected your grade.
As you settled in, there was less to reported on, there was less time to be spared, a semblance of a routine had formed- it may be questionable, but it does exist. On your parent’s side, the quibbles have only intensified and accumulated over time. You’ve become accustomed to not having them around and calling them feels a bit mundane. On a side note: Texting parents is weird; I cannot explain it. Video calling them would be a disaster, they would finally see the dark circles, successfully dismantling the fictional, functional sleep cycle you’ve been lying about. A quick tour around the room would only amount to criticism of the untidy desk, unkempt bed sheets, dirty floors, blinds blocking the sunlight and clothes strewn about.
Furthermore, your independence also means calling up extended family on your own. Tagging along onto your parents call with a swift hello and how are you, no longer works. Considering how occasional a call to the guardian can get, a call to the grandparents can be even more dubious. The shame can possibly be worse if your grandparents call you first. The inadequacy hits home.
The frequency of communication with loved ones slowly and steadily declines as the semester progresses. With it, comes an even deeper sense of guilt. The culpability of allowing your family to worry engulfs you.
It cannot be denied that relationships with parents can be improved by distance but maintaining a long distance relationship is also difficult. The close proximity and constant exposure to one another lead to automatic bouts of anger every other week. Especially with the lockdown limiting movement outside the house. Autonomy over your decisions is much more impossible. However, distance is not always detrimental to a relationship. It can create more appreciation and gratitude for one another as well. However, it can take time to get used to, for both parents as well as the child. To live with the same set of people for almost your entire life, whatever the dynamic may be, becomes habitual and usual.