Edited by: Lasya Adiraj
In the eighth grade, when the kids in my neighborhood went out to play in the park with their friends, I used to eagerly wait for the clock to strike seven so that I could log onto Hangouts and talk to my online friends. At any random point in my teenage life, I have always had more friends who lived miles away than ones nearby. Due to this, when I had to attend college online, I didn’t have much trouble forming bonds with people I had never met. In fact, it has been an exciting experience knowing that we would meet at some point and execute the plans we had only been imagining for so long.
However, as I spoke to more people, I very quickly realised that other students struggled to make friends online even when they shared multiple classes with fifty to a hundred-odd people. Therefore, I thought that if I spoke about my experiences, it might help other people, especially the ones who have just joined college and find themselves lost in this intimidating yet inspiring crowd of smart and pretty strangers.
Before you get onto the playing field and start making friends, you need to find out if this is actually what you want. If you find an affirmative answer, and still feel uneasy about online friendships, it is possibly because you are still unconvinced that online friendships have the potential to be as good and fulfilling as the ones made conventionally. Yet, from my experience and many others, let me tell you that you could not be more mistaken. I agree that sitting face-to-face with your friend, sipping tea (and spilling it) is an experience like no other. But I would be lying to myself – and you – if I said that my Zoom rant sessions, whilst binge-watching The Office, weren’t the highlights of my every week. Yes, you can’t step out and meet your friends, but that’s the only layer that you cannot unveil through a screen.
There are so many untapped dimensions to friendships that you sometimes cannot explore offline because you have no motivation to. When you don’t share a physical space with another, you end up putting in more effort and start sharing an uncharted emotional space with them. Here is where you are most vulnerable while simultaneously feeling safe and secure. It provides room to express your insecurities without being judged. It also provides you with opportunities to make them happy with the smallest things, and the voice of their laughter is like music to you. Slowly, you will realise that all of this was possible only because of the physical distance between you and your friend, which somehow allows you to be closer to them (if it were even possible). And, trust me, there is absolutely nothing more beautiful, warm, or comforting than that.
If you feel that online friendships might work for you, here are some things that I have done which you can do too:
- Send a follow request to the person you found interesting in class. Social media is for sending and accepting requests, meeting new people, and there is nothing weird or creepy about it.
- Reply to those Instagram stories that speak to you. Maybe they shared a song that you like or a topic that you have strong opinions about; put them out there. At least initiate the conversation.
- Memes are our generation’s love language. Don’t shy away from sending them. They’re always appreciated and reciprocated.
- Join group chats and attend group calls even if you don’t like the idea of them very much. You might end up finding really cool people and forming a separate group chat because you find that you get along well.
- Sending private messages on zoom is so underrated, and I highly recommend it. If you want to compliment someone on their fit or the points they made during your classes, go ahead and let them know.
- Despite sharing classes, if you just cannot seem to find a common ground of interest between you and your batchmates, maybe listen to that song they shared in their story. Read up on the post they have recommended and then talk to them about it. It may sound very desperate, but it is not. It’s very genuine, and definitely worth it if you want to make the most out of online courses.
However, you must remember that you can do all this and sometimes not succeed in initiating conversations with individuals. However, avoid writing people off and losing hope about making friends when that does happen. Try not to judge the ones who might not text back because you never know what they are going through on the other side of the screen. Some people just have poor texting habits, and sometimes they might just not be in a position to reply. The trick is to keep texting, not the same person, but anybody that interests you. I know it is very exhausting, and it is okay to feel overwhelmed at times. Take a break. Breathe a little. Though making friends is important, you can take it as slow as you need to. You are guaranteed to find your people someday.
I found my two best friends through these very methods, bonded with them on discord calls, and they’ve been there for me through everything. Yes, I have hated the physical distance between us on some days, but it has never come in the way of me being able to feel their love for me, albeit through late-night FaceTimes and the Netflix Party chat-box.
While I know that doing the stuff I suggested will not get you friends immediately, it will definitely give you the push to put yourself out there to try and make some. It is my heart’s desire for you to form deep and meaningful bonds with your online friends because there is absolutely nothing more beautiful and calming than ranting to them and sleeping off with them on late night video calls. While the whole world was burning, they were the only peace that I knew of, and they continue to be. I hope you find someone who feels like home too, even when they’re very far from it.