Edited by : Abheri Banerjee
Hi,
I don’t know if I’ll ever send this, and maybe that’s for the best. But here I am, writing anyway. Maybe writing it down is just my way of letting go, of saying what’s been stuck in my chest for so long.
It’s strange, really – how much time has passed since we last talked like we used to. I thought we’d always be a part of each other’s lives, no matter what. For the longest time, that felt true. But lately, it seems like things have started slipping through the cracks, and I don’t know how to fix it.
I know it isn’t just you. I’m busy too, caught up in college, in classes, in this spiral of new things and new people. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in it all that I forget to text back, and when I finally do have a moment, I realize it’s been days, maybe weeks, since I last tried to connect. Life just keeps happening, and I barely have time to keep up with myself, let alone with the people I care about.
But it hurts, you know? I miss the way things used to be. I miss how we’d stay up late talking about everything and nothing, like we had all the time in the world. I miss knowing that no matter what else was going on, we’d still find a way to be there for each other. But I guess that was easier when we were both in the same place, living the same life.
I thought I’d be able to handle it, to balance everything, including us. But maybe that was just wishful thinking. There have been so many times where I’ve felt the distance growing. Like on your birthday – remember when I promised to make it special, to do something memorable, even from far away? I had all these plans in my head, ideas for little surprises, but then the day came, and I was so lost, pulled in every direction by assignments and meetings, that it all slipped through. I felt horrible about it afterward, and I’m not sure I ever told you just how much it stung, knowing I’d let you down.
Or all those times I said I’d send you photos and little vlogs of my life here, to make you feel like you’re part of it. I meant it when I said that – I wanted to keep you updated, to make sure we still felt connected. But I just never seemed to get around to it. It feels like everything that’s supposed to be simple, like sharing my day with you, gets tangled up in everything else going on.
And I know, you’ve been doing your own thing too. You’re off making new friends, finding new routines. I see glimpses of it sometimes, through random updates or social media, and I’m genuinely so happy for you. But every time I see those glimpses, it’s like I feel the distance even more. Like we’re both trying so hard to keep up with the lives we’re building that we’re losing each other in the process.
I keep wondering if it’s too late. If maybe we’ve already drifted too far, and reaching out now would just make it clearer. There’s a part of me that wants to just call you up, tell you everything, and make it right. But there’s also a part of me that’s scared it won’t be the same, that maybe I’ll feel like I’m intruding into your new world, and you into mine.
I guess I’m writing this to say I’m sorry. Sorry for getting too caught up, for letting the distance grow, even if I never wanted it to. I wish I could say I’ll be better at keeping up, but honestly, I don’t know if that’s true. Life is pulling me in so many directions, and I’m just trying to hold on. I hope you understand.
Maybe I won’t send this, and maybe that’s okay. You probably already know how much our friendship has meant to me. But just in case you didn’t, I hope you know that it’s something I’ll always hold close, no matter what changes around us. The memories we’ve made, everything we shared—it’s all a part of me that I’ll keep forever. Just know that you’ll always have a special place in my life, and I’ll always be here, cheering for you from wherever I am.
Take care,
Minal