Do you pride yourself on being a strong woman? Do you aspire to be one or support one? Do you consider yourself a feminist? Chances are that you behave in ways that are exactly the opposite.
Chup: Breaking the Silence about India’s Women Today, a book by social scientist Deepa Narayan is based on 600 detailed interviews with women and men from metropolitan cities across India. It identifies seven habits characteristic of Indian women today that on the surface appear harmless but have in fact trained them to invariably delete themselves.
This week, Dr. Deepa paid a visit to Ashoka University to speak about her path-breaking book. If you missed meeting her in person, don’t worry! This article covers everything you would want to know and more.
After the Nirbhaya rape incident in 2012, Dr. Deepa wanted to explore what it was in our culture that contributed to such an event. She wanted to explore how this was linked to overall inequality and sexism? The key question she focused on was what it meant today to be a good woman or a good man.
Soon an idea began taking form and she realized that women are not supposed to exist. In the beginning, she thought the idea was too radical and unbelievable. However, upon speaking to a few other women she realized that it resonated with all of them.
Today in modern India, young, highly-educated, talented, working women, don’t understand how they are erasing themselves through their habits. According to Deepa, “The glitter and glamour on the outside have hidden what is happening inside.” The culture of non-existence has been kept in place through these habits.
As women we often censor ourselves. We are often fearful of raising our hands in class. Upon being asked how to overcome this, Dr. Deepa said that the first and most important thing to do is to rip the pretence and acknowledge this fear.
If our behaviour is fear-driven, we are always coping rather than being our full selves. We need to reclaim ourselves. We need to acknowledge that we are afraid. We need to tell ourselves that it is not our fault. Women are often unwilling to be open about their preferences. Dr. Deepa then told us the story of a woman from her book who when she was five, loved to drink coke. So, wherever she went she asked for coke. However, soon her mom told her not to ask for coke. She said, “Beta, aise maango nahi” (Translation: Dear, don’t ask). She learnt very quickly to stop asking for coke. Dr. Deepa realized that it was not just about coke. This seemed to be an issue of politeness but it actually taught the child that her preferences are not important. She should drink what others want her to. As children, we are taught that it is not okay to ask for what we want. This has dire implications for how we behave as adults. Women, thus, don’t state their opinions or ask for what they want.
In her book, Dr. Deepa argues that women are unconsciously taught to write themselves out of the narrative. In an article for Vogue magazine, she states these seven habits that we need to break out from:
1. Do you truly love your body?
2. How often do you silence or censor yourself?
3. How much does the need to be likeable restrict you?
4. Are you comfortable with your sexuality?
5. Do you trust women?
6. What are the three words you use to describe yourself as a woman?
7. How independent are you?
Read the full article here: https://www.vogue.in/content/deepa-narayan-the-shocking-secrets-i-learned-about-indian-women/
During the session, not only did Dr. Deepa cast light on the culture of non-existence in urban societies in India, but made us question how many of these habits we ourselves are privy to?
Highly recommended by Professor Madhavi Menon, this book will definitely be an eye-opener.
Buy the book here: https://www.amazon.in/Chup-Breaking-Silence-About-Indias/dp/9386228602
Edited by Priyanka Shankar
Images curated by Aqsa Pervez and Sanjna Mishra