Being the one who isn’t invited sucks. In the age of social media, we get to experience this in the worst way: seeing everyone else who was invited posting about how much fun they are having. If you are like me, that translates to how much fun they are having without you. The crazy thing is, when that happens, we want to be invited that much more.
We see the group of friends and immediately start to evaluate what it is that everyone else on the invited list has that you don’t. “What is wrong with me?” Then, we start the correction process. We do whatever we can to make that group feel like we do belong with them, we are worth their attention, and we are worth the invite next time. But, next time we aren’t invited again. And again. And again. This is the most confusing and heartbreaking cycle. We are constantly changing to fit the standards of the invited, but we are always let down. Therein lies the problem.
We see the lack of an invite as something that establishes our worth as a friend, a person, a social media presence. We let it make us feel powerless like we have to fix the blemish that made us unworthy to them. What if I said we should feel empowered? I have consistently felt the grip of feeling left out or not good enough, and then one day my mom said something that changed my outlook on what it means not to be invited over and over again.
We have the power to choose not to sit at the lunch table. If a group of people doesn’t want to invest in you, why would you work so hard to invest in them? We don’t have to put ourselves in a position where we know we will be hurt, and we don’t have to change out of the fear of not being up to par. We are who we are, and that is something to treasure. Who you are as a woman is enough. Who you are is worthy. Who you are is deserving. When we keep walking back to the same lunch table that rejected us time and time again, we begin to question those essential qualities. We begin to change those qualities. Not everyone is going to want to be our friend- we cannot control that. We can control, though, who we choose to invest in. We can control who we sit with at the lunch table.