Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
Sex + Relationships

Why You Need to Date Yourself Before Searching for a Relationship

In case you didn’t know by now dating is no easy feat. No worries I have found your perfect match, your soulmate, the true love of your life it’s….. YOURSELF. Yes, you read that right, it’s you. Here are the two reasons why you should date yourself before you start searching for anyone else. 


Reason #1: You most likely don’t act like your 100% true self on dates


 When I was fifteen, I made two lists. One was how I saw myself, and the other was how I wanted people to see me. Looking back on those two lists (that I’ve kept in my journal to this day), I still find myself wanting people to see me that way. And the scary thing is, I always find myself pretending to be that person. I find myself trying to find a relationship by acting like that person from my list I made when I was fifteen. So my question is.. how am I supposed to find an “other half” if I’m only being half myself? When the person I am trying to make like me, doesn’t even know the real me? 

 Girls tend to find themselves thinking, “oh they’re decent, I’m gonna work hard to make him/her like me.” When in reality you should spend the date deciding if the other person is even worth liking. Focus on if they are good enough for you, not if you’re good enough for them. Tell them what makes you different than any other girl, show them the real you. That’s why before you can truly focus on dating someone, you need to date yourself to discover what you need to know. You have to act like that person from the list titled “how I see myself” and run with it. Find out why you think you’re crazy. Find out what bothers you. Find out what traits you love about yourself. Find out what traits you don’t like about yourself. Be able to define yourself so well that by the time you’re ready to date someone else, you know exactly what you need. You know how to treat yourself well, and you know what you can and cant live without. 


Reason #2: You shouldn’t be searching for a relationship


 I learned a lot of things from freshman year of college. But the most important thing I learned is, don’t spend your time searching for a relationship. I promise you, it never works. Good things don’t happen by force. They happen because they are supposed to happen. The minute you stop looking for something is when the unexpected happens. Focus on creating friendships with others and finding yourself. In my experience, when I stopped looking is one when of my guy friends slowly became something more. The main lesson that I want you to take away from this is you can’t be searching for an “other half” because you ARE NOT A HALF. So many of us are obsessed with finding someone who “completes us” when you need to complete yourself. You need to focus on making sure you know who you are, who you aren’t, and who you want to be. Before you know those three answers, you aren’t ready to date someone else. You should be able to define yourself, without bringing up another person’s name. When you can do that, is when you know you are ready to date someone else. 


Eve Kleinz

Arkansas '22

Eve Kleinz is from Chicago IL and currently a sophomore at the University of Arkansas. She is pursuing an Apparel and Product Development degree with a minor in Journalism and is passionate about women from big universities having the opportunity to express themselves through a creative outlet (like hercampus!!)
Similar Reads👯‍♀️