I love sports, and when I say I love them, I mean I jump and scream and get emotional during sporting events. But you know what sucks about that? Everything. I don’t know when female-sport-shaming became a thing but I am so not okay with it. I present to you a definitive ranking of why being a woman and loving sports is the absolute worst.
1. Pink Jerseys
UGH MY EYES. To the loser who started this trend-I hate you. I don’t even really like pink that much. I especially don’t like pink when I’m trying to sport my team spirit. Also, check out that bedazzled 10, like can we not? My eyes are physically burning because of this…or maybe it’s just because I rubbed them…whatever I blame this monstrosity.
P.S. I hate you RG3, moving on….
2. People (guys) explaining what just happened
Wait-you’re telling me we got a touchdown and that’s six points, plus the field goal which is an extra one point?! No. Way. Tell me more! Pu-lease. I learned all this when I was a kid. I don’t need a play-by-play. I have eyes, I saw that fake punt return turned touchdown by Sam Irwin-Hill (by the way that was awesome). Unless I ask, “Hey, what was that flag for?” or “Wait, isn’t so-and-so injured?” I do not need your input.
3. Explaining things to your friends who do not know what’s going on
OH MY GOODNESS GIRLFRIEND. If you don’t know what’s going on and every Saturday you lean over and whisper “what just happened?” in my ear, just quit going to games. I mean seriously. If you can’t take the time and figure it out for yourself, why even go? Are you even having fun? I cannot tell you how many times I have explained what a first down is.
4. When we get chastised for our favorite teams
I can’t stand when people scoff at me when I’m decked out in my New Orleans Saints attire. Yes I know we are best team, but get over it. I don’t laugh at you when you’re in your New York Giants jersey (though I am dying on the inside.) You and your team can leave me and my teams alone.
5. Last, but certainly not least: I am not here to impress some boy
Believe it or not, I am not at this game to flirt with some guy; because if I was, I’d be an idiot to think he would pay more attention to me than the game 10 feet in front of him. I came to watch my team win. I may lose my voice or even shed a few tears, but I’m here for them, not you Bubba.