I have had a history of close guy friends and this year I began dating my best friend and rekindled a friendship with another guy friend. I began to realize that there were a lot of things to consider in juggling these two relationships. When it comes to balancing a boyfriend and guy friend, what is appropriate and which is more important?
This summer, my boyfriend is in a different state and a close guy friend is in the same town as I am. When we started to renew the friendship, I started realizing I needed to ask my boyfriend what he was comfortable with. He is very understanding and not a jealous person, so it was left up to me to decide. Before I started dating my boyfriend, my other friend had been someone whose couch I had slept on and who looked out for me, all with the best intentions. Were things suddenly off limits? I couldn’t help but wonder if because I was in a relationship, were all friendships different now. The answers were all but obvious.
First of all, questions have to be asked. My boyfriend had told me he trusted me to decide what was appropriate. I had to ask myself if dinner is ok and are drinks ok. Are movie nights ok? The list goes on. I have found that if you feel comfortable with it and do not feel the need to second guess it, it is probably ok.
The second thing I learned was the importance of communication. It is important to always be honest and open. Again, if you do not feel the need to lie or cover something up, then there probably is not anything to feel guilty about. Telling the truth and keeping lines of communication open will prevent any drama or secret feelings of discomfort. I had to learn what my boyfriend was comfortable with and he had to be honest about it.
Third, I realized neither relationship had to be more important than the other. A friendship and a romantic relationship are entirely different and therefor, do not have to be weighed side by side. If a significant other pressures you to make one priority over the other, something is probably not right.
Balancing boyfriends and guy friends is difficult, but by asking the right questions, communicating honestly, and understanding that one should not cause the other to be neglected, a lot of stress can be avoided. Both friendships and romantic relationships need care and attention and neither should hurt the other. Finding a balance is never easy, but it is possible. With that said, we should take a moment to recognize the men in our lives, wether they are the ones that take care of us no matter what or the ones that take us on dates.
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