We have all been there. Ghosting people because we do not know how to communicate that we are not interested. Maybe it is because we want to preserve their feelings or perhaps we do not want to put in the energy because we might think, “it is not worth it.” But trust me it is.
Communication is a necessity in a social world like ours. Those who excel in communication skills are noted to be the most successful. That means that being able to communicate your boundaries and thoughts is a valuable tool. By being able to express your feelings successfully and respectfully is essential in most relationships, even if those relationships that won’t ever turn into a relationship, you will notice the positive effect it can have on your life.
Just like how you do not want to be ignored or ghosted by someone you might have thought held potential or even if it did not, many others do not want that experience either. By staying confident in your choice to cut them off will help make the dialogue a lot easier. Sometimes we need to maintain the perfect balance of selfless and selfish. We need to be able to communicate for them to receive clarity, but we can’t be cautious of hurting their feelings when we are standing up for ourselves and our boundaries.
At the moment we might be afraid of the reaction that will come if we let people know our true feelings—we are just not that interested. And since we live in a technology-driven world, it seems easier to press ignore, delete their contact, or block them. But no one can predict the future, so we won’t ever know what their reaction will be until it happens. Not understanding your feelings and realizing that being with them might not be the best for yourself might hinder you from seeing that they feel the same.
I’m not going to lie, though, I am guilty of ghosting others. I remember ghosting on three dates with this guy. After the third date I knew it was not going to go anywhere. I was nervous about communicating that with him because I thought he was a sweet guy and did not want to hurt his feelings. Therefore, cutting off all ties without warning or communication and going down the good ol’ ghosting route seemed like the easiest solution. We didn’t talk for almost a year, but he reached out to me when we came back for the next school year. I finally thought that I would go over and tell him the truth, that I thought we’d be better off as friends. When I communicated this, we both agreed that we needed a friend rather than a significant other. Now if you fast forward to now at the end of the school year, we are still good friends. We might live in two separate states now, but I know he’s just one phone call away. I don’t think this school year would have been as successful as it was. Though this experience, I realized that without my ability to recognize that he deserved my honest communication I would not have gained a life-long friend.
Honestly, I am aware that I had the best outcome possible, but that does not mean that this could not be the outcome for you too. We all probably know what it is like to be ghosted; it is not a good feeling. Communication allows relationships to thrive. Even if you don’t want a relationship with the other, still communicate. You would want someone to respect you and be honest, so why not treat them in the way you wish to be treated?