Dear U of A,
Welcome to the special Halloween addition of my weekly rant. Let us talk costumes, shall we? Boy, did I see some interesting situations this Halloween. Somehow I found myself drinking more just so I could blur out some of the characters that surrounded me.
Let’s start with my girls. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for slutting it up on Halloween. I mean you are talking to an ex-catholic school girl, play boy bunny, and army…slut…? Anyways, the point is I am not hating on my U of A, what I am hating on though, are the girls that take it about five steps too far.
Exhibit A) Avatar slut. I am not talking about Avatar as in the little bald headed kid who flies around with a lemur, I am talking about Avatar; The blue Pandoran people who run around in the forest and swing on vines. (I’m sorry if this summary offends anyone, I haven’t actually seen this movie. Its, like, three hours long and the people are blue…..) Anyway, back to the point. I saw a girl at a party covered in head to toe blue body paint and what could only be described as a brown washcloth covering her cha-cha. And that’s it. No shirt to be found. The only thing shielding us were two small blue stickers strategically placed on the center of each boob. Now I am not saying this girl was big, but there was a high jiggle factor going on that night and I’m sorry, but there is a certain amount of perkiness needed for this costume that this girl just did not have. Also the blue body paint was sweating off and leaving track marks every place she went. Maybe she did it on purpose so that at the end of the party she could remember what guys she grinded that blue butt of hers on. Put on a bra, nobody wants to see that.
Let me talk about guys now. Men of U of A, I am going to make this short and sweet. You are not as clever as you think you are. If you look in the mirror and find yourself dressed up as a:
– Tool
– Girl
– Hick/White Trash
– Guido
– Stupid pun (aka Black Eyed ‘P’, Dust Bunny, Cereal Killer, etc.)
– Flag of any kind
– Lacrosse Player
Then you can expect to be one of five hundred other people wearing the exact same costume. Seriously, it’s time to clear the smoke (literally), put down the bottle, and use that brain that got you into college. I’m sick of seeing the same thing over and over again. We are laughing at you, not with you.
Love,
Haylie Gabs