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Sex. Something that many of us think about and something that many of us worry about. What if I’m a virgin and I’m self-conscious because I’ve never had sex? What if I’ve had sex with too many people? Let’s discuss why sex is not as important as it may seem.

When I first got to college, all I thought about – outside of education of course – was getting a girlfriend. Every couple I saw looked like they were in some sort of utopia. Smiling, holding hands, kissing, it seemed like they were truly happy. From there, I then began to think about sex. As I progressed through college, almost everyone around me kept talking about how good sex felt and how it made them so happy, almost happier than anything else. This is when I changed my opinion on the importance of sex. 


couple watching sunset
Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing from Unsplash

A relationship, for me at least, isn’t built purely on sexual attraction. There’s so much more to it than that, whether that’s the ability for you and your significant other to talk about anything and everything or emotional attraction. When hearing all of these people tell me about how good sex felt or how happy it made them feel, I couldn’t help but think about how I received most of my happiness in relationships from simply talking to and being around that person, and I don’t think I’m alone in this. Sex isn’t as important as it seems because there is so much more to look forward to in a meaningful, long-lasting relationship. If you’re a virgin, that’s perfectly fine. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19 years old and it definitely wasn’t what I wanted. If you do have sex, that’s also perfectly fine. 

When you stop thinking sex is so important, you allow yourself to think about other things that may actually mean more to you.

The point that I’m trying to make is that while sex does feel good in a lot of cases, it shouldn’t be idolized or romanticized. It should be a necessary part of consensual relationships, just like love or emotional attraction. Don’t be afraid to not have sex and don’t be afraid to have sex. Just know that there is so much more to what makes you and whoever you’re after the amazing people that you are. Go to the Parkway and just talk. Go to a nice restaurant and just feel the vibe. When you stop thinking sex is so important, you allow yourself to think about other things that you may find out actually mean more to you. 

In reality, sex is nice, but not as important as many people make it out to be. It’s a normal part of many relationships but as mentioned above, shouldn’t be put on a pedestal. Do what you feel is right, let everything fall into place, and most importantly, be as happy as you can be!


sitting side by side on bed
Photo by Billie on Unsplash

I know this was an off-topic article this week, but I care about you guys and I’ve been going through a lot recently so here you are.

Be great, smell great!

Brandon Darden

App State '23

Brandon is a junior English, Secondary Education major at Appalachian State University. After graduating in the spring of 2023, Brandon hopes to encourage interest in learning, especially in the minds of high school students. Brandon has been a member of HerCampus App State since 2021, and along with being one of its current Campus Correspondents, specializes in writing about fragrance and beauty while also writing about other topics such as mental health, experiences in college as a person of color, and poetry.
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