“Your shoes are so cute!” a friend in the office tells you.
“These old things, ugh, I hate them, I got them on sale,” you respond, “they’re worn out.”
Your friend will probably politely laugh and reassure you that they’re very stylish.
This is pretty typical dialogue, right? Unfortunately, yes. It seems as though that as women, we are programmed to announce our inferiority all the time, to anyone who will listen. When people compliment our hair, we immediately respond with anecdotes about how hard it is to manage- it’s damaged, flat, limp, ugly, too thick, too thin, too blonde, too brown, and so on. When people praise us for our clothes we diminish the value of them by admitting they aren’t ours, or they came from a discount store, or they’re old and ugly.
I realized this as my boss congratulated me in regard to receiving a position as a Student Orientation Undergraduate Leader for the summer, a position I have been extremely excited about for months. She said, “you’re going to make a great orientation leader,” to which I immediately, and without thinking, responded, “I know.”
I instantly felt the burn of regret and embarrassment in my cheeks! How horrifyingly rude that statement sounded kept echoing in my mind. I immediately apologized to her over, and over again, telling her I meant to say thank you instead of, “I know.”
Thankfully, my boss is an absolutely wonderful woman, and inspired me to write this article. She began reminding me of how common it is for us as women not to accept compliments, or rather, truths about ourselves. She provided the shoe example that I began the article with.
Why don’t we accept compliments? It’s rude not to, isn’t it?
We don’t accept compliments because society tells us if we realize our own worth we are vain. If we understand that we are beautiful, we are conceited. As women, it is our job to realize this is egregiously false logic.
If your shoes are cute, and someone notices- thank them and keep strutting.If you’re good at your job and someone recognizes it- thank them and keep working.If you know your personal worth is wealth to all of those around you (which each of us women should)- then take the praises that come your way.
Don’t diminish yourself to please others, even if its unintentional. Do not live in fear of appearing confident. The next time you get a compliment, remember this article, and reply with gratitude and a smile.
…and just for the record, I do know I will be good at my position this summer, and that is perfectly fine to admit.