Once upon a time, men were expected to go above and beyond to show politeness to women. This expectation is—I mean, was—called “chivalry” and it dates back to the medieval days of knighthood. It was a priority for these knights in shining armor to honor all women and display traits such as honor, courtly love, and courtesy. However, it is now year 2013. None of us are damsels in distress trapped in a castle tower, but rather, fabulous collegiettes trapped in a classroom.
Has chivalry died like a one-time fashion trend? Or is it just not as high-flying as it used to be? Curious, I asked a handful of HerCampus readers around campus where exactly chivalry has declined and here are a few of the responses that I heard:
- “I rarely, if ever, see guys pulling out chairs and holding doors for girls”
- “Guys no longer ‘court’ or even date girls, they just text for a hookup.”
- “Last weekend, a guy let the Klondike door close in my face behind him.”
- “Basically, no flowers, no dinners, & rarely buying us drinks”
- “There seems to be a decline in men’s consideration.”
- “(Laughs) You know chivalry is dead when a guy won’t give up his seat to a girl on the Appalcart.”
Now, this article is in no way meant to bash the boys of Boone, but rather shed a little light on why chivalry is no longer prominent in today’s society. Are guys too lazy? Or maybe they’re just interested in mildly interacting with girls for sex? Maybe. But then again, that’s not to say all guys don’t try, right? Aside from the previous assumptions, there appears to be a reoccurring idea for guys that if they do still act chivalrous, they will risk coming off as creepy, clingy, interested, and/or worse, “too nice.”
So where do we place the blame? Men? Social media? Women? A mix of all three? There’s a slight possibility that men have just transitioned from being very thoughtful to very, ahem, distracted. In addition, we can blame today’s social media for diluting the concept of good communication with 140 character tweets, Facebook chat, and phrases like “SUP?, LOL, BRB, WRUD, etc.” As painful as it is to place the fault on my own kind, I must wonder, can we blame ourselves? Aside from men and social networks, there is a common idea that [some, if not all] women allow themselves to be treated this way. These days, women are taught to embrace the role of Miss Independent –special thanks to Destiny’s Child Billboard #1 single in 2000. We are more likely to refuse chivalry from men because of what is now the social “norm.” I mean this by saying, if a prideful woman rejects a guy’s consideration once, he will most likely never try again. We refuse to believe we can’t accept his “politeness” and keep our dignity at the same time…and yet we complain about it.
Despite what everyone thinks, I like to believe that chivalry may not be completely dead, and that there’s a chance that it can still make a comeback just like our girl Britney Spears did. While there will always be a battle between what is left of chivalry and what is now considered “normal” among the interactions of men and women, we can make small changes just by remembering a couple etiquette tips:
Guys: For starters, shake off the “hook up” mindset. It’s never too late to start being chivalrous, even for the biggest jerk in the world. Open the doors for ladies, help them out if they drop their books in the library, and offer up your Appalcart seat. The list is endless and a little bit goes a long way! Chivalry speaks true to your character, how do you want to be remembered?
Girls: Accept the kind gestures from guys with gratitude. Put your pride down and be a lady! He doesn’t hold the door because he believes you to be weak. He doesn’t pay for your drinks because he believes you to be broke. And he doesn’t approach you at a social event because he believes you to be a loser with no friends.