I’ve been planning to write this article all semester, so everyday walking to class instead of listening to music, I’ve secretly been listening to other people’s conversations to see what interesting/funny stuff I could hear, and this is a list of my top favorites. During this process I’ve become a certified professional eavesdropper (still waiting on my call from the CIA), and I’ve learned some really weird stuff about people that actually made me laugh out loud at some points. Most importantly though, I’ve learned that basically every college student has many of the same “college sucks” thoughts throughout the day, so don’t worry, you’re not alone.
1. “Did we have class today? I really don’t even know what day it is.”
We’ve all been there. Usually every other day.
2. “Did we have plans yesterday?” “Uh.. yeah.” “Yeah okay I forgot.”
This was one of my favorites because the girl that forgot about their plans was completely indifferent about it. You’d think most people would be upset or apologetic or have an excuse, but not this girl. She just forgot and that was going to have to be good enough.
3. “College is like high school on steroids man. All the egos explode.”
So this actually happened about a week ago when I got caught (for the third time that day) in the middle of a massive group of high school students touring campus. It was two high school boys so that might not really count, but I still thought it was pretty funny.
4. “I need to go out tonight.” “Its Monday…” “Yeah I’m having a hard time functioning without alcohol lately.”
All I can say for this girl is you’ve got a long life ahead of you honey.
5. “I would rather fall off Rough Ridge than take this accounting exam”
I’ve been lucky enough to only have to take a few math classes, but that was enough for me to relate to this 100%
6. “Did you get that girl’s number last night?” “Yeah most of our conversation has been about The Office so I think I love her.”
Y’all this one is NO JOKE. Of course he could’ve been referring to something completely different than the show, but I’m really hoping not. When I heard a guy say this I just about fell on the ground right there. Props to him and I hope that girl marries him.
7. “I need pizza like two hours ago.”
Out of all of these I probably relate to this one the most.
8. “What did I miss in class?” “Idk I didn’t go either.” “…..shit.”
One of the ones I actually laughed out loud at.
9. “WAIT OUR TEST IS TODAY?!”
CLASSIC
10. “I expected much lower than an 80 honestly so I’m drinking to that”
An 80 in college isn’t completely terrible, so you do you girl.
11. “Dude I miss my mom.”
College: clearly what it takes to make people appreciate their parents.
12. “I forgot deodorant today but it was fine this morning because it was like 35 degrees. But this is Boone so now it’s like 55 and I think I smell. Can you smell me?”
Also one of my favorites. Crazy Boone weather strikes again.
13. “I’m surprised more people don’t jump in front of the Appalcart”
A nice spin on a classic we’ve all been saying since we got here. Getting hit by the bus = free tuition and no school, right?
14. “I never want to even hear the word McAllister’s again.”
I’d be willing to bet money this was a freshman that said this. Only freshmen get that grossed out by campus food.
15. “My weather app said it wasn’t supposed to rain today!!” *as it heavily downpours*
I LIVE TO SEE THE MISERABLE SOAKING WET FRESHMEN THAT DON’T COME TO CLASS PREPARED. Anyone who has lived here long enough knows not to rely on the weather app and to always bring a rain jacket everywhere you go.
16. “Why are you dressed so fancy?” “One of us has to look hot and it obviously isn’t going to be you.”
When I heard this I seriously wanted to turn around and be best friends with this girl simply because of her sass. YGG.
17. *girl in the bathroom stall next to me, on the phone* “No I’m in the bathroom because it’s the only place on campus I can go without people being so close to me every damn minute. I don’t even have to pee.”
I feel this on a spiritual level.
18. “I just had my third all-nighter in a row and I am living my best life ever” *in the line at the coffee shop*
There’s a fine line between sanity and delirium after pulling an all-nighter in college… I’m not sure if I was impressed by this girl or concerned for her.
19. “Do you think the professor cares about significant figures??” “They’re called significant for a reason.”
There is nothing that I will miss less from college than chemistry.
20. “I don’t get why everyone worries so much about exercising in college. I haven’t ran in weeks and I feel great about it.”
I didn’t get to hear the rest of this one but I really wish I did because I was really relating to this girl.