We all have a void in our lives that we can’t always control. Our voids create our passions, our vices, and our personalities. The void we are trying to fill causes us to act in certain ways, hang out with certain people, and believe certain ideals. But, our void molds itself through life experiences; it changes, grows, decreases…and then comes back to haunt us when we least expect it.
The first step is to realize the fact that you have a void…what is it? Where does it come from? What causes this void to exist, and what have you done to fill it? My void has changed throughout my life due to many extreme life circumstances; however, the way I cope with my void has until now remained the same.
There is something about traveling that has always called me and grabbed my attention. It was never really the trendy lust to see the world, or the possible profile picture that could get me 100 likes. It was the idea that I was able to become who I wanted in that moment. I loved the idea that no one knows who you are when you move to a new place, travel to a new city, or transfer to a new school. You are placed into an unknown, but an unknown that creates nostalgia, a yearning for a place you may have never been before…a completely raw, new experience. I loved that by traveling to a foreign land I could start over. I could be who I wanted to be with nothing holding me back. I could finally just… let go.
At age 12, I traveled abroad for the first time. As a family trip I was able to choose the location of our naive adventure, and of course I had to choose London. I remember the first time I saw Big Ben, its grandeur, beauty, and uniqueness. I had seen nothing like it. It took be back in time. I was allowed to escape in that moment, and my eyes were finally open to the world abroad.
After that, travel became an escape for me. It was my drug. I craved it.
As a 13-year-old, quickly being forced into the many years of puberty, the thoughts that slowly kill us in adolescence started to overwhelm me. I would dream of a better life, even though at this point in my life I didn’t understand anything. I didn’t understand pain or suffering. There was nothing for me to be sad about, nothing for me to feel, and in a sense that was the problem. My void was created at this time, from the lack of substance, the lack of hope, the lack of interest, and the lack of a purpose. I didn’t know who I was, and I chose travel as the substance that would fill my hollowness.
I started to ask for trips instead of presents. Although, I told myself I valued the experiences of life rather than the materialistic items I still cherished; I didn’t really understand those words. I became obsessed with the idea of being anywhere else other than my present moment.
At this point in my life I had traveled twice to China, twice to Japan, twice to England, twice to Italy, France, Poland, and the Czech Republic. I associated happiness to the amount of countries I had been. Travel started to change my perspective on life. I understood different cultures and respected their differences, and in a way constantly critiqued and reevaluated my own, still believing that every other culture, location, and city was somehow better than the one I was living in. I continued to believe that other places offered me more: a new life and a new way of seeing things.
Travel is still huge part of my life. In the last 365 days I have traveled to Japan, Austria, and Hungary. In the next three months I will be in Scotland with one of my best friends. I still hold my wanderlust passionately close to my identity; however, travel now holds a different meaning for me.
I used travel as an escape; I used it to fill my emptiness. However, as my void changed, my perspective changed. I realized that travel could not give me a new start. A new city couldn’t make me into someone I thought I wanted to be. I wasn’t experiencing everything as if it were for the first time. The reality is that travel became the reinforcement of how life is suffering and how similar we are as a human race. Travel is a reminder that we are all here living, breathing, and just simply existing…just trying to be happy.
It is no longer my outlet, but rather the continuous realization that no matter where you go, no matter who you interact with, and no matter how many stamps are on your passport, you cannot escape what you have been through. You must take your suffering, your horrors, and your pain, and let it consume you. Because if you aren’t happy in the moment you are in right now, there is no one, no experience, or no city that will be able to fill that void.
Try to form a connection with your void. When it comes knocking at your front door, don’t slam it shut. Welcome it; invite your void in for tea. Converse with it, and prod it for answers. Whatever your void may be it can easily hold a power over you, but only if you let it. Figure out where it stems from and what it means, and once you learn to live and embrace it you can truly find your happiness.
I encourage all of you to travel not to fill a void that you may hold deep within, but travel for travels sake. Travel so you can learn to appreciate the present moment. Travel in order to learn how to live.