Relationships are contradictions. You’re expected to be connected to someone and give them your all while also maintaining your sense of independence.
But it’s actually not as hard as it sounds… if you follow these guidelines!
#1: Stay friends with your friends
This seems like a no-brainer, but actually this is one of the biggest problems in relationships. See, your friends help shape your identity and once you start cancelling plans on them to hang out with your beau, that’s an obvious no-no because you’re losing part of yourself.
Case in point: My friend Tyler* is in a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend. That’s great and all, except for the fact that Tyler is continuously ditching me for her phone calls. Every time we go to a movie or grab something to eat, I know that if his phone rings, he’s going to go take the call and leave me alone. Every single time.
Make plans with your friends and stick to them. Don’t cancel on your friends for a better offer. On that note, when you’re with friends, tell your significant other and try not to text him the whole time. A text now and then is okay, but limit yourself.
#2: Embrace your differences
Opposites attract. You’ve heard it time and time again and it really is as simple as that.
Don’t try and become the couple that does everything together. Try and become the couple that supports one another at various events. Show up at your boyfriend’s soccer game, for example, or encourage him to buy cookies from the bake sale your sorority is putting on. But don’t stress about doing everything together all the time. Enjoy the fact that your relationship is healthy enough to do different activities alone.
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#3: Have your own opinions
In theory, having someone who agrees with everything you say is great. In reality, it’s a nightmare.
I met a guy named Tony* over the weekend. He loved to ask me questions about myself (such as my favorite food or my favorite holiday), which was nice because I could see that he cared. However, when I’d ask him a question he’d repeat my answer or twist the question around so that I had to answer first, and then he would just reiterate my answer. That’s boringbecause were basically the same person. Why would I want to date myself?
Disagreements lead to a deeper understanding of the people you will date. You get to learn what they’re truly passionate about and what they will defend until the end of time. Passion is key behind any good relationship. Don’t change your opinion on something just because you think it will impress someone else.
#4: Hold yourself accountable
Sometimes your boyfriend will turn into your best friend. There’s nothing wrong with that…until you start to only hang out with your boyfriend. Don’t be lazy by only hanging out with your boyfriend.
Explore your options. Hang out with multiple people. Try new activities. Take up a new hobby. Besides, with all the new activities you’re trying, you’ll have even more topics to discuss with your beau.
Above all, remember this: you’ve already gotten this far in your life without your current boyfriend. Don’t let one guy undo all the progress you’ve made to become a strong, independent woman.
(*names have been changed)