It was the summer of 2nd grade, and I distinctly remember playing with my barbies in my parents small apartment styled home in Sunrise Florida. During that fun time, I took a pause… and I thought to myself, “Do I have school tomorrow?”
Since it was summer I obviously didn’t have school, and I also remembered thinking, “hey, I haven’t had school for a really long time. The last time that I didn’t have school for a really long time I ended up going back to school eventually.”
It was at that moment where it dawned to me that school, to me it seemed, was going to be a never-ending cycle. School would start, then it would be summer, and then school again, and then summer etc.
Flash forward to my senior year of college, and I was right. School has been a never-ending cycle. To me, it feels as if from the moment we are born our lives are mapped out for us.
Go to elementary school
Go to middle school
Go to high school
Go to college
And then immediately after college get a job.
For those who know me, and know me well, I am the type of person who puts 110% of herself into anything and everything that I do. I am currently a double major, Public Relations and Journalism, with a minor in psychology (on schedule to graduate within my original 4-year time span.) I am part of the departmental honors program for my college. I’m a writer for Her Campus and the National Philanthropy Chair for the Pi Kappa Chapter of Chi Omega. I’m also part of the Competitive Club Cheerleading team for Appalachian State University. Did I mention that I also have had a job?
After 16 years of schooling…I’m tired. I’ve been both mentally and physically exhausted for a very long time. The thought of being tired and wanting to take a break from everything was scary for me. To me, admitting that I needed a slower pace after going at such a continuous cycle for a long time, meant defeat. Why aren’t I good enough to be able to get a job right after college? Why aren’t I good enough to have a solid plan for when I graduate? I’ve put so much of myself into school and I feel like I haven’t gotten anything in return.
Two weeks ago I realized that graduation was coming and it was coming fast. I’m going to admit I had a mini meltdown… but it was after the meltdown that I thought to myself, I am still young, I still have much to learn, and I still have the rest of my life ahead of me.
I don’t need to know what career I want to go into to the moment that I graduate. Waiting is okay. Taking a moment to breathe is okay. Taking a moment to think about everything that I have accomplished is okay.
Better yet, I feel as if not going into my future career right after I graduate is better for me. Taking that breather and looking at all that I am capable of is better for me. It’s going to allow me to really think about what I like and dislike about certain careers. It’s going to allow me to really think about the types of values that the future business that I want to work for will have.
This in no way is me slamming people that will and do get a job right after college. I am happy for those people, but I am no longer jealous of those people. I will get there, I will get there on my own pace, and I will be proud of myself for getting there.