1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted at some point in their college career, according to various government officials.
For me, it happened twice.
Now I bet at this point, you’re already making assumptions about what kind of person I am or what kind of situation I put myself into. Most people would assume that I was drunk at a party or something along those lines, but they would be wrong. Both times, it happened in my own f*cking house. In MY safe place, MY territory, MY house. The incident that happened to me recently is what spurs this little conversation we’re having right now. I don’t want to get too specific because it is still too recent, but to give you an idea, the phrase “Dude, she’s passed out, go for it” was used and then my personal bubble was let’s say…breached.  If you’re wondering if I was drunk, yes I was. Which is exactly why I went home in the first place, but that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that the words “Dude, she’s passed out, go for it” should never, EVER come out of someone’s mouth.
While that situation obviously infuriated me to no end, it surprisingly wasn’t emotionally traumatizing, only shocking and enraging.
No, it was much worse a few years ago with one of my closest friends. When you learn about rape or sexual assault there is this impression that the perpetrator is either a) some random evil-doer or b) a random frat guy. This wasn’t the case. I had known him for three years and we were very close. We talked about everything, hung out every few days, and everything had been platonic up until that point.
That night we were chilling on my couch watching a movie, things got a little heated, and we ended up making out. I take things very slowly because that is just who I am, so I got up and went into my kitchen to get some water and just take a break. He followed. He was looking around for something a little stronger to drink, and found my parent’s liquor cabinet. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him drinking it, but he didn’t listen. After a few sips, he came over to me and tried to get me to drink some, but I told him I didn’t want any. He pushed me into a corner, and told me again to drink some. I said no. This is a really weird part for me to explain, as I’ve only told a few people, but basically he physically forced me to drink, led me back to the couch, and started feeling me up again (against my will). As a typically forthright person, I suddenly asked him, “Are you trying to get me drunk so that I’ll sleep with you?” to which he responded, “Yes.” Thankfully, at that point he left because I guess he realized I wasn’t about to (willingly) sleep with him. The next day he sent me a text saying that I was worthless and meant nothing to him.
That may sound scary to some of you, but the weird thing is that I wasn’t even that scared. It was just too surreal. I guess I was mad a little bit, but for the most part I was just heart-broken. I’m not saying I was in love with him or anything, but I did love and trust him as a friend. It’s just plain sad. It’s sad because you can never imagine that someone you trust could do that to you. It’s sad because people think they have rights to your body. It’s sad because you realize how powerless you are in that kind of situation. It’s sad because I sound like a victim now, and I’m not.
Sexual assault is out of hand (especially at colleges), and it’s not something that should be seen as “Oh yeah, another sexual assault happened”. It happens, it sucks, it’s traumatizing, and it’s an issue that needs to be met with force. Administrators do what they can, but they aren’t there with you in the situation to protect you. It’s on us, as students, to hold each other accountable and to stop acting like sexual assault is some f*cking joke.
**GIRLS: THIS APPLIES TO YOU TOO. IF A GUY IS TOO DRUNK, DO NOT TRY TO HOOK UP WITH HIM BECAUSE YOU THINK “HE’S A DUDE, HE ALWAYS WANTS SEX”**
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