I was feeling a little bit nostalgic today, so I opened up my computer and began looking through pictures from freshman year. I smiled and reminisced on the memories and the people who have grown to be like family, but I also felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and anxiety; so much had changed.
I wasn’t best friends with my freshman and sophomore year go-to girls anymore, I was a woman in a sorority, somewhere I never thought I would be, and was surrounded by friends who were becoming more like that second family I once had. Nothing was wrong, everything was fine, but at the same time, everything had changed.
Change isn’t easy, it’s actually terrifying because you can only see where you’re going, not who or what you have left behind. As I kept clicking through, I saw the people that built me into who I am. I saw three smiling faces in beautiful prom dresses that stopped on the side of the road to take pictures in a field of wild daisies. One is in NYC living her dream of becoming an actress and the other will be married next year to her high school sweetheart. They were, and still are, a huge part of my heart.
I keep scrolling and see my freshman year roommate and I decked out in all neon for our first ever “rave”. She is the reason that I am sane and she is the one that showed me what an amazing friend is. Two years later, she is at UNC Wilmington, a budding nurse and still such a dear friend. Our lives had changed but for the better.
One photo over is the first photograph I ever took with my ex-boyfriend. Things didn’t go well but goodness, he taught me more about myself in one year than I ever knew in the other 18. He is one of the reasons I am the way I am today.
I decided that I would go to sophomore year next and landed on a photograph of my sorority sisters and I. They have no idea, but they are the reason college is all of the amazing it is for me. These girls are my bridesmaids, my rocks, and my own personal comedians. Without them, I wouldn’t know what a true woman is.
Lastly, as I round up my year and go to the beginning of junior year, I see a picture of my best friend since practically birth. We were laughing on the back of the boat on one of the prettiest days of summer, seemingly without a care in the world. She has been a constant in my life, but together, we have changed. She is at NC State becoming a more amazing person by the minute; she has changed, but our friendship has not.
There’s a theme in all of those changes and that is growth and knowledge.
I used to fear change and fear the unknown, because it felt like I was the one destroying relationships and taking moments for granted. Don’t get me wrong, I do take so many things for granted, and I am working on it, but I also realized that I am not destructive or careless when it comes to my relationships with people. As hard as I may try to stop it, change happens and there isn’t anything you or I can do about that. Much like the patterns that the wind follows, we too follow a path. Your path may cross with certain people at one moment, or permanently, or it may fade away a few days, months, years later. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re incapable of holding on to things that bring you the most joy, it just means that you are human and you are figuring out the path that is made just for you. I’ll leave you with a one of my favorite quotes by Jim Rohn.
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”
Always remember that a change of heart never killed anyone and a change of scenery could be good for the soul; now find your path