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In case you haven’t heard, boyfriends are soooo out of style… just kidding, but maybe it’s better if they were.
Nearing the end of October, Vogue published an article written by Chanté Joseph titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” and the internet is taking it VERY personally. One TikTok user said, “Sorry Vogue I have to disagree, this is pretty cool,” accompanied by a video of herself and her boyfriend cuddling. Another user is quoted with saying, “thankfully she disagrees with Vogue,” videographed from the perspective of a boyfriend himself, gesturing towards his girlfriend as the camera pans out. It’s comments like these that prove time and time again why this article as well as others of the genre, are necessary.
The point was never about bashing people’s boyfriends or insulting their qualities as partners, it was about making women who are single more comfortable about not being in relationships. The misinterpretations as well as blatant claims from people who didn’t actually read the article are extremely tone deaf (side note, reading the title of an article doesn’t = having read the article). They proved the point of the article without the article even having to say it which honestly takes skill. So yeah, if having a boyfriend wasn’t embarrassing before, they just showed why it is now.
Let’s take a closer look at the contents of the article. In case you haven’t read it yet, I’ll give you the opportunity right now to click off and come back with your own takeaways, but to the rest of you, here’s the gist of it. As of late, there has been a shift in how women expose their relationships to the public eye.
Of course relationships have their benefits, but ultimately no one wants to ‘be that girl’ who only talks about her boyfriend. The idea of whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing or not isn’t to be taken so literally. Instead, it should be admired for its candidness. Love is never embarrassing, but fusing your personality with the trait of being partnered very much is.
One part of the article that I think sticks out the most is “To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish.” I think this holds true especially in today’s society that heterosexual women want it both ways, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You have the women in relationships, who view their partner as their entire world, almost as if their life really does revolve around them. You also have the women so disinterested in relationships that this title from the jump will make them go “absolutely!”
The divide between the two is so polarizing that you have to wonder if there is a middle ground. The answer in my eyes is yes, you can be in between. It’s such a blessing to be able to distinguish between being with someone who makes you feel good while still holding on to your autonomy. It’s possible to be your own person and still have a loving relationship, the key is about keeping those two sides from mixing together.
I think it’s so important for women, whether they are in a relationship or not to hear that spoken into the world. Those who are partnered need to remember that their boyfriend is not their personality, but instead a mere part of their lives that can be enjoyed without letting it seep into the other parts of life. Single women on the other hand need this message not to further signify that being single is something they should take advantage of for the entirety of their lives, but instead stress the idea that there’s no need to search for a relationship when you can be happy in your own bubble.
My take on all this is that decentering men has never been more relevant than it is now. With the reactions I’ve seen in response to the Vogue article it’s evident that there are women out there who missed the point completely. It’s not necessarily their fault, I mean come on, who wouldn’t appreciate a good guy that genuinely makes you happy. The problem is that no matter how happy their boyfriends may make them, it’s never a vital ingredient to happiness.
It seems to be a pattern in women, in particular those on social media to shift content once getting into a relationship. It starts with the cute posts featuring a snapshot of a coffee date, then moves to “Everything I Bought My Boyfriend For Christmas” blogs until pretty soon the boyfriend has taken over the feed and the content is entirely male centered. In today’s time with the prevalence of clicks and likes, lots of girls feel that it’s necessary to put their relationship front and center on any type of platform they use.
The truth is… no one wants to see that, it’s great to admire your partner, but when the everyday Instagram checkup turns into an eye witness account of the shrine you made for your boyfriend it becomes a little… cringe to say the least. Not to mention, the boyfriend tag-a-long’s on girls night out, what’s with that? It appears to be a trend for girls to insist their boyfriends join in on group plans which is so not cool. The boyfriends need to stay in the boyfriend world for the time being, and the girlfriends need to wake up and realize that their obligations and opportunities don’t end where their boyfriends begin.
Although I agree with the message coming from Vogue, there is room for error to take notice of. The amassing publicity of the article begs the question, are girls actually happy to be single or are they suddenly happy because they’ve been reaffirmed? I know it sounds silly, because isn’t the point of the Vogue article to make women feel better about being single? Yes, but it only holds true to its effect if the sentiment behind being happy while single is genuine. This all sounds very counterintuitive to bring up, but would women be speaking this way without the article?
Some TikTok comments I’ve spotted in response to Vogue include, “Only the cool girls are single right now” or “having a bf would ruin my aura” or even “Boyfriend free = problem free” alongside many others. Is the sudden rush of comments because people truly believe it or is it much deeper than that? Vogue may have brought light to the issue of putting boyfriends on a pedestal and warning single women against it, but we don’t know if they are actually happy to hear that advice or not. Basically it’s like making a decision only because your best friend said so, except the best friend in question is Vogue magazine.
Obviously you don’t need a website to tell you how to react regarding being single, but Vogue sets up a belief system that makes you wonder if women are in agreement because they actually agree with Vogue or only because Vogue says they should agree. Let me put it this way: Is being single a positive because Vogue said so, or did Vogue reinvent the wheel and remind people how great it is to be single? Either way I hope that the Vogue article does inspire women who are feeling down about being single to recognize their worth, instead of just merely getting them to pretend to be happy with their life circumstances.
As someone who has recently got out of a relationship, I’m not going to sugarcoat things. Being in a relationship has its perks, but that doesn’t mean being single is the end of the world. Hopefully we can leave the anti-single mindset in 2025, because I promise you it’s not bad. Those rock climbing lessons you wanted to try out- now would be the perfect time to sign up. Is there somewhere you’ve been dying to travel to recently, look no further you’ve got plans next Saturday. The point is, while there are plenty of “perfect” relationships out there, they are not exempt from the age-old concept of a relationship preventing you from doing what you really want.
Take this time of being single as a blessing, and remind yourself that you have lots of time for relationships in the future, and even more time to be free and try new things for the time being.
At the end of the day, we all have problems, whether those problems are misinterpreting a Vogue article or being on the receiving end of what the article is saying. If you’re looking for solutions, you’re not going to find them in a boyfriend. To all the girls who are single, just know there’s girls out there who get you, so no need to chase a man. All you need is some snacks, a nice rom-com, and Single Ladies playing on the stereo, because girl, you’ve got this and you don’t need people in relationships or those living vicariously through what Vogue says to tell you otherwise.