Moving on. It seems so simple from the outside, but it is also incredibly uncomfortable to put into practice. It is important to be able to move on from whatever is causing you strife so you can allow yourself to be present with new people and experiences. Here are some reasons why you might want to consider moving on from a relationship, place or time, how to avoid common pitfalls, and how you can benefit from this practice.
If you are currently expending a large amount of emotional energy, attention and time on a relationship in which your feelings are not reciprocated, then it may be time to reconsider its existence. Is this relationship one that you would be happier and more yourself without?
Sometimes we can also become stuck in a certain mentality that we formed in our past. We may become stuck on bad decisions we have made, times we were successful, or times we relied too heavily on others to provide a sense of security. This can be healthy if we use the information to craft a better future by making better decisions. Many times it is unhealthy when these heavy reflections make us feel paralyzed with fear of making mistakes or the fear that our future cannot ever match our past happiness to the point where the now is meaningless to us.
Once we understand how holding on to relationships or other things from our past is harming us in the present, we have to make the decision to let go and move on. This is not as easy as it seems and you may be likely to fall back into old behavioral patterns when you hit low points.
To resist contacting an ex you haven’t talked to in a while to tell them how much you miss them, you should come up with several solid reasons why this is not a good decision. These reasons will help keep you regimented even when you are feeling lonely or regretful. Try to recall honestly the good and bad in the relationship (knowing there will always be some good things), realizing that you will have to let go of the good points along with the negative points — there is no way to just keep the good and leave the bad. You might also compare how restricted and drained that you feel out of the relationship versus your time in it, in order to be grateful for getting out when you did.
Most importantly you must realize that that you must cut that person off completely in order that you can make room for a new person. Until you do this completely, your capacity for emotional intimacy with another will be stunted and your new relationships will likely be unfulfilling in some way. This means little to no contact with that person for some duration of time following your decision to move on. It is highly unlikely that a codependent romantic attachment will be able to morph into a more platonic friendship. If you want to do so, you must be willing to invest a lot of effort into setting new boundaries and keeping the peace.
If you are trying to let go of who you were in a previous time in your life, the mental process is somewhat similar to letting go of a relationship. It is helpful to acknowledge the way you felt that situation. Look at how your current problematic behavior makes you relive your past. Once you have the personal information, you should work to stop making decisions based off a situation that is no longer relevant to your life. Instead, begin cultivating new habits that are more constructive of the person you want to be now.
There are numerous benefits of learning to move on and leave some things behind. You will have greater focus, more energy and increased creativity with which to approach your current life. Because you are no longer spreading yourself thin, you will have more time and feel more joyous over the little victories of day-to-day existence. On a larger level, by limiting what you pay attention to, you are shouting to the universe that your energy and time are valuable, and by extension, that you value yourself. The universe, in turn, will respond, and you will find opportunities to build new relationships with people who truly value you.