*Disclaimer: This article does not intend to use the word “crazy” in an offensive or derogtaory manner, or use the word “crazy” to refer to actual medical or psychological conditions. This article is purely satirical.
1. Literal Crazy
Hopefully you haven’t met one of these, but likely you have. They can probably be found mapping their crushes class schedule or keying their (perceived) enemies’ car. When you try to describe how crazy this person is to your friends, they think you’re exaggerating, but you’re like “No, really. They need help.” Part of you feels bad for them and wants to help them, but mostly you want to avoid them at all costs. At the very least, this type of person is incredibly frustrating, and at most they are actually dangerous. Just make sure you know which level of crazy they are, and act accordingly.
2. Can’t Handle Pressure Crazy
AKA the party people. They can be seen wandering onto campus late in the afternoon, likely having missed a few classes. Maybe they’ll go to a class or two, but will probably just end up scrolling through Instagram or watching their Snapchat story to try and remember what exactly happened last night. Later in the day they may go to the library with all of their books, determined to get their life together, but get distracted by absolutely everything around them. After unsuccessfully trying to focus, they claim they are “too stressed” and go out to drink their troubles away. They tried, they really tried.
3. Overly Involved Crazy
Ever get 20 Facebook notifications in one week to join Relay for Life or Dance Marathon? Yeah, these are the people who send it. Their Internet presence is on point, but you will hardly see them in person. If anything, you might see them rush by with a coffee in hand and an “Ask me about __” sign on their backpack. You’ve long since given up on asking them to hang out. They will probably go on to feed every starving child in Africa and end all wars…but they might also die from stress at the age of 45.
4. Boy Crazy
Ultimately harmless, but annoying as can be. Most people in this category are in denial about their boy craziness, and if you try to bring it up they will probably just accuse you of being bitter and single. Which you aren’t…. obviously. You’re happy for them and all, but sometimes you kind of wish their bae would dump them so they would just talk about something else for once. Even when that day does come, they somehow have a new guy the next day. And so goes the cycle.
5. Perfectly Crazy
8 a.m. classes are a mistake, we all know that by now, except the perfectly crazy people. They have early classes every semester of college, and somehow manage to show up to them with beautifully curled hair and an outfit straight off of Pinterest. You want to hate their constantly chipper attitude, but they’re just so nice! Everything they do is perfect. They have straight As, go to church every Sunday, and their boyfriend is a straight-up model. How are they so perfect? There has to be something wrong with them… right?