When it comes to giving compliments, I am the pro. At first, complimenting someone can feel a bit awkward, but the more you do it, the more intuitive it becomes. You start to look at people and instantly find something wonderful about them. It brightens the person ‘s day, which is probably the biggest perk.
Last week, a friend of mine wrote a status asking why people often assume she has a special event if she dresses nicely. Other people commented with similar responses and reactions. After this post, I had several conversations with friends about giving and receiving compliments and I came up with a quick list of tips to make someone’s day without making them self-conscious.
DO: Tell them that they wear something well
I remember when someone said a dress looked nice on me. It was complimenting how I wore the outfit, more than the outfit itself. You want to focus your compliment on the person not just their style.
DON’T: Comment negatively
Wow, are you cold? How can you walk in those shoes? These are common comments that people wearing dresses or heels receive from others, particularly during the winter months. I’m never quite sure what the person asking the question intends to get as a response. If someone wants to feel beautiful, why should they be questioned?
DO: Engage in conversation, rather than interrogate.
If you like someone’s outfit, instead of asking about the occassion, simply comment on the outfit. I love your scarf, where did you knit it? Is there a story behind your necklace? This allows the person to say more constructive things besides thanks or I just felt like dressing up.
DON’T: Put the person down in other contexts
“You look really nice today. ” I have often said this myself and felt really bad about it afterward: Ugh, that today implies that they don’t look nice every day. It’s tricky, because you want to say that person looks especially nice, but it comes out wrong. I try to opt for the first DO which is, you wear that outfit well.
DO: Compliment all the time
Someone doesn’t have to be dressed up to catch your eye. I remember a friend responding to my compliment by saying, “Thanks, I like your face.” It was cute, quirky and still makes me laugh. Telling your friends what you like about them all the time is a great way to show them that you care and boost their self esteem.
I hope these tips can help improve your compliment giving skills. Now…how do we take one?