All relationships end in one of three ways: marriage, break up, or death. This makes dating especially terrifying in college. The person you spend all your time with will either break your heart or be there until death does you part.
We invest so much time and effort into our significant others that we sometimes forget to focus on ourselves. Ever had a friend that disappeared the second they got a significant other? Yeah. It’s annoying. And I can almost guarantee that you’ve been that friend before too. But it’s natural. When you become infatuated with someone you put them on a pedestal and give them your whole heart. Giving someone that much of yourself comes with consequences, though. It’s an unrealistic expectation to dedicate your entire life to someone.
Your relationship should be less like a headfirst dive into your companion and more like a Venn Diagram. Yes, that simple circle chart used to compare similarities and differences.
The idea is that you both have independent lives that happen to overlap. You’re independent with your own friends, hobbies, and goals—and so are they. Your lifestyles and interests overlap without your lives completely revolving around one another.
Following this Venn Diagram plan has created the most successful relationship of my life. No matter what, we’ve put our individual lives first. There’s no pressure to give each other all of our free time or commit beyond what we’re ready for. We’re happy when we’re together and supportive when we’re apart.
Let’s face it: in your early 20s, a person should not be your entire world. You’re figuring out your own life and planning for your future. Planning around a person hinders your ability to grow and make the best decisions for you. You can never be everything to your significant other. This isn’t just about serious relationships, either. You should put yourself first in any relationship because you are the only person who always has your best interests in mind, especially in college.
The key to this, and to all relationships, is trust. You have to be able to trust your significant other in order for both of you to maintain happy independent lives. Without trust, you may feel suspicious or overreact to small things your significant other does wrong. The biggest trust builder is also the most effective way to maintain this Venn Diagram relationship: communication. You have to be able to express your doubts, fears, hopes, and even just talk about your day. Even with two independent lives, you can feel connected because you’re still sharing your experiences.
My Venn Diagram theory is a realistic vision of relationships. No one is there to complete you or be your “missing piece,” but instead a person to share your life with. No significant other is worth sacrificing your career or future, and the Venn Diagram ensures you will get the independence and love you deserve.