After having a Tinder profile for almost a year, it’s come to my attention that men need help. Not that men who love women are incompetent or ignorant, but it’s hard to gauge what “right” thing to say is, and what will get you rejected. Furthermore, inappropriate messages make a hostile environment for women, which doesn’t benefit anyone involved. And so in the interest of helping men, and the women with whom they flirt, here are some Tinder tips:
1. Don’t be sexually explicit. So you want a casual hookup – that’s fine. Many women on the app want the same thing. But that doesn’t justify vulgar messages, especially if it’s your opening message.
2. Don’t open with “hey.” Women get bored opening messages a lot, and you don’t want to be mentally categorized with the handfuls of men who do the exact same thing. Try to utilize the other person’s bio or pictures as a conversation starter.
3. Don’t snub public meet-ups.Even if you’re a nice guy who would never assault or harm a woman, attempting to hook up with a woman on your first meeting sets off red flags. Just because you know you’re great doesn’t mean that we do, and if something happens then we will be the ones blamed. So don’t roll your eyes at the coffee shop invitation, it’s important.
4. Insulting other women isn’t a compliment.
5. Don’t fetishize women of color. Their race is not a justification to be sexually inappropriate or to target them.
6. Copy and paste pickup lines are obvious – and don’t work. Try for originality.
7. Take rejection gracefully.It’s not personal, but not all women will be attracted to you for whatever reason. If you get angry when a woman says “no,” that sets off all sorts of red flags. Furthermore, it only shows that you feel entitled to women’s time and attention which is not okay.
8. If the other person isn’t responding to your messages, it’s not a good idea to keep trying to send more. She’s obviously not interested and you can save yourself some time by finding someone else who is.
9. Don’t ask for someone’s number right off the bat.Or for any personal social media information. Tinder is safe because it protects such information until both parties feel comfortable. Wait until she’s comfortable.
10. Most importantly: remember your manners.Just because you’re online doesn’t mean that social decorum is thrown out the window. Respect her in an online conversation every bit as much as you would in a face to face conversation.
These tips are easy ways to avoid being a part of the hundreds of awful Tinder guys that women encounter on a near daily basis. Women are not a monolith, so not everyone will respond the same to different approaches, but these basic guidelines are a pretty safe bet.
Thank you to the women who contributed to this article!