Airports are a pain, plain and simple. During Spring Break season, it only gets worse, with so many people traveling across the country. Here is a sampling of my own personal thoughts from my various experiences in airports and on planes.
1. Okay, two hours early to the airport, doing good so far.
2. Wow. There’s only one person working the check-in counter. That seems like a great system.
3. Oh, it’s self check-in.
4. Now where do I check my bag in?
5. Are you telling me I should just leave it with this random pile of bags next to a TSA agent and pray it makes it on the plane? Yep, apparently.
6. Whatever, at least I’ve got my boarding pass. Now security.
7. Annndd the security line is a mile long. Maybe I’ll be randomly put in the pre-approved line?
8. Nope, but all my friends were selected for that. Am I threatening looking? Seems doubtful.
9. Why did I decide to wear boots, a scarf, belt, and jacket? Really should have gone with yoga pants and a sweatshirt.
10. Of course my tiny necklace set the machine off.
11. Woah, hi TSA agent, can you at least take me out to dinner before feeling me up? Or smile? Nope? Okay.
12. Thank God that’s over. Now where’s the nearest Starbuck’s?
13. It’s not open.
14. You’ve got to be kidding me.
15. Oh, but there’s a Dunkin’s. Good, now I’ll be a functioning human being.
16. The prices are so much higher in the airport than anywhere else. Such a rip-off. But I need that caffeine.
17. Alright, where is that gate? Way down at the end of the terminal, what a surprise.
18. At least the flight is on time
19. Yes, time to get excited for the break!
20. And we’re all sitting near each other and are in an early boarding group! Things are finally going well.
21. Oh. That’s why we got on first. We’re at the back by the bathroom. What joy.
22. And there is, of course, a child sitting next to me. Please, I’m begging you, stay asleep.
23. I’m a horrible person for listening to music instead of the safety demonstration.
24. Now I’m worried the plane will crash.
25. Don’t think about it.
26. Although why haven’t we left the gate yet?
27. Oh, they’re de-icing the plane. This does not happen in the South. I really need to get out of D.C. for a bit.
28. Finally, take-off!
29. I see you glaring at me stewardess, I’m still going to listen to my music, my phone is on airplane mode!
30. Okay, now I’m starving. Any food?
31. Nope, not unless I want to pay $8 for a croissant and jam. I hate this airline.
32. Maybe I’ll just try to sleep to block out the hunger pains.
33. There is no possible way to get comfortable in this chair.
34. This will have to do. Now sleep….
35. Oh no. The child woke up.
36. Go back to sleep. Stop moving
37. No, stop crying, now!
38. I hate kids.
39. I guess I won’t be sleeping after all.
40. How long is this flight again?
41. Five hours. Lovely.
42. How long have I been on the plane?
43. Ugh, still so much longer to go. I heard the plane had WiFi? Maybe there are movies to watch.
44. Oh, another rip off, $10 for an hour of WiFi. No thank you. I’m not a money machine (as nice as that would be).
45. I guess I’ll just block the child out with music. I don’t care how adorable you are, you have one seat, not mine as well, so stay in yours.
46. I need to be nicer to kids.
47. Just not this one.
48. Okay, finally the captain is announcing we are almost there.
49. Ow, now my ears are popping.
50. Wow, that was really painful. Hope I’ll still be able to hear out of that one ear later.
51. I hate landing. It’s terrifying.
52. Please let us get to the gate in one piece.
53. Whew, made it.
54. It has been 15 minutes since we first touched down and we are still taxiing to the gate. This place must be huge.
55. Oh yeah, it’s the second largest airport in America.
56. Okay, let’s get off this plane.
57. Bye kid, seriously not going to miss you.
58. We’re here! Now we just have to get our baggage and then on to the beach!
59. Except my bag isn’t here. Not even beginning to be surprised.
60. I’m never flying again.