I would consider myself somewhat of a pro at the dynamics of travelling back and forth between home and college. I know exactly what to bring home, and the importance of packing light because I will absolutely be doing some shopping, even if it isn’t on Black Friday. I know exactly how far in advance to buy my airplane tickets to get the right deal on Virgin America. I breeze through TSA, always conscious to wear shoes that can be easily removed, and the science of using a maximum of two security bins, no matter how much stuff I have.
When I was a freshman, going home was an event. It was a chance to return to share with my friends and family how much more mature I had become (not really), a return to my parent’s fantastic cooking, and the comfort of my family and friends. However, now that I am a sophomore, I can’t help but feel that my attitudes have shifted.
Coming home from college for a few days or a few months is always a little weird. You live out of a suitcase, and are essentially a guest in your home. Your family has for the most part kept you updated through weekly phone calls and texts, but they probably haven’t told you everything that’s been going on at the home front. When you get home, you reenter a world that was once so familiar, but now feels so distant.
As a sophomore, I can’t help but feel differently about going home. Of course it is exciting to see my family who I am incredibly close to, but it is also strange to leave the family of friends that I have at school. In addition, like many people, the old friendships from home feel more distant and I find myself making less of an effort to continue to cultivate them.
So where does that leave me? Do I have two homes or no home at all? At home I am a guest around the people I love most in the world. Back at school I am taking on the world with people who I am learning to love more and more everyday, but it isn’t quite home either.
I assume this is an important part of growing up. As you test your sense of comfort, the idea of home can become much more fluid. Perhaps it is enough just to keep myself engaged in activities and around people that make me feel at home. When I am home, nothing makes me feel more comfortable than cooking and enjoying meals with my dad. At school, I feel at home drinking tea and talking about the day with my roommate. Then there are the ways that I practice self-care that give me that personal sense of comfort like listening to podcasts or going for walks.
I think it is important to take a look at our situations in a context of where we come from and where we are going. So many of us are taking our first real steps on our own and this in between, temporary way of life can feel awkward and unsettling. Home is a place where we find love, support and understanding. Sometimes you have to seek those things, rather than just expect them to come to you.
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