This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at American chapter.
This guy and I have been texting/talking for months. At one point he said he didn’t want anything serious. In order to protect my pride, I pointed him the other way and may have given him the wrong idea. Now we’re talking again after months, and I just don’t know what he’s thinking. Should I stay in limbo waiting for him to make a move or should I move on and stop making excuses?
– Girl in Limbo
Ah, the dreaded limbo sitch. Will I come out standing tall, smiling and get to continue dancing? Or, just end up getting a stick in the face and fall on my back? Of all the dances out there, limbo has got to be one of the least fun.
Same is true for limbo situations in relationships: not all that fun. But, don’t fret, my new readership, the Doc is in and is now seeing patients. We will diagnose this dilemma by looking at first what he is thinking and then at what you can do.
His thinking will fall into one of two categories. The first category is that he is unwilling to cross over from the friend zone and try to take the necessary steps to have a romantic relationship. His unwillingness to do so might be caused by a multitude of reasons (fear of losing a friend, avoidance of awkwardness, or not wanting to be rejected or hurt). He would be in this category only if he wants to take the relationship to the next level, which means that he would have to be interested in you in the first place. The second category of thinking is that he is comfortable with what you have now and doesn’t want it to change. If his thinking is here, he views you as a friend, nothing more. Why would he try to make things more “serious” if he only likes you as a friend?
Ok, now we’ve covered what is going through his mind. Here’s the game plan: just as he has two categories of thinking, you have two ways to act. One, you just tough it out and let it be. If you are expecting him to come on to you, you can’t force him to do that, but there is also a chance that he never will. If you choose to do nothing, you might end up with nothing more than a secret crush and regret. Or two, you act. You have a question: Does he see me in a romantic way? You are hoping to get a response, but you haven’t asked the right person (even though I am flattered you asked me). If you want to get an answer, ask him. This is a bold move, but you can be a bold gal.
If you choose to act, be prepared for both outcomes. If he says that he never thought of you as anything more than a friend, then it will be your job to recover that friendship, if you still want it. That means not bringing up this conversation again, unless he initiates. You will have to be strong and confident around him, take the lead in the new friendship. If he says yes, he does like you, then happy days to you both.
For relationships to start, there needs to be attraction on both sides and action on one. If he likes you and you like him, then all there needs to be is a catalyst. You could be that catalyst.
This was a great question; let me know if you want to discuss more. And all my single (and taken) ladies, send me your questions.