I thought I would experience my first, first date at the awkward age of 15 or that ideal teenage 16. I pictured him being tall and strong. He’d ask me out while casually leaning up against my locker or slipping me a note during biology. At the time, I thought online dating was for those single, desperate 30-year olds. I mocked eHarmony and Match.com with my friends as we swiped left on Tinder saying we’d never seriously use it.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Coming from a small town, you either date those in your high school or don’t date at all—I was one of those who didn’t date at all. So, starting college, I was willing to put myself out there and enter the dating scene. Through a friend on my floor and the persuasion of my roommate I joined Bumble, a dating site set up similarly to Tinder but without the hookup stigma. Bumble offers three options when creating your profile: “bumble date”, “bumble bff” or “bumble bizz”. Each option is exactly what it sounds like with “bumble date” meant for finding romantic relationships, “bumble bff” meant for finding friends and “bumble bizz” meant for networking.
Setting up a Bumble account is no different from setting up any other social media account. You pick an attractive picture of yourself to serve as your profile picture, write a witty caption that also mentions hobbies and interests of yours and begin searching for those who are similar to yourself. It made me wonder, why are Gen Zs and Millennials so reliant on social media to keep in touch and find friends, but dismiss and judge dating apps?
Ironically enough, despite all of the changes made with the usage of the Internet, we still hope to meet a romantic partner the old fashion way—in person. This is understandable, but people shouldn’t knock online dating so fast. For starters, you get to look at and talk to a large variety of people. Though it may seem overwhelming at first, you can easily weed out the duds and begin light conversation with those who may have potential. You meet people who are nearby, but at the same time from a different area, people who are from different social circles which prompts making even more connections and even people who are from different cultures. Overall, it broadens your horizons.
Dating apps and websites like Bumble also help alleviate the pressure of first-time conversations. Messaging eliminates awkward silence while also keeping an easy conversational flow. Figuring out what to type first may be stressful, but at least you can type and retype until you create the perfect message. There are also safety measures you can take online that don’t exist in person. If the person you are messaging with becomes inappropriate, threatening or even says something that just makes you uncomfortable, not only can you unmatch them, but you can also report what they said. This ensures the online dating community is kept safe and makes sure you, as the user, feel confident continuing to use the app.
When you sign up on an app like Bumble, you already know where other users stand. Bumble even has a setting for users to mark down if they are looking for a “relationship”, “something casual,” or if they “don’t know yet.” Unlike when you meet someone in person, there is no confusion on where someone stands. Gone are the days of working up the nerve to talk to a crush questioning if they want the same thing as you. While it is important to develop a friendship with the person you are involved with, you are both starting on the same page and have potential future plans.
This being HerCampus, it is important to note that Bumble is a female-run and girl-power dating app. Armed with more safety features, such as photo verification, Bumble makes it so only the girls can begin a conversation with a match lessening their chances of being harassed. Though not all women are comfortable making the first move, Bumble wants to revolutionize the dating world through the app by boosting women’s confidence to put themselves out there. (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/18/fashion/bumble-feminist-dating-app-wh…).
Even with all the benefits of online dating, first in-person dates are still uncomfortable and nerve racking. It’s an unavoidable fact. What makes them even worse is when it’s your first, first date with a guy you’ve never even seen in person before because you met him online.
After experiencing my first, first date only a few weeks ago, I can easily step back and say what I wish I didn’t do and what I think went very well. I can say with full confidence that I believe I made a good decision setting up a date with a guy who I met through Bumble and who goes to a different school. Meeting him on Bumble, it was easy to get to know him through messages and work through my nerves talking to him. And, by not going to the same university as him, I was able to avoid the awkwardness of bumping into him on campus as well as make it easy to cut ties if the date itself went badly or didn’t lead to anything else.
As for the date itself, the number one mistake made was going to a sit-down meal. Though it is the traditional thing to do, there is way too much sitting and starring at each other, worrying about how you look eating and stressing over whose paying. Even if there is something else planned after eating, it’s still a bumpy way to start a first date. Instead, go out and do something more interactive like hiking, going to a fair or walking around a museum. The best part about doing something active and exciting on a first date is that it’s a fun memory and, even if there is silence, there is still something going on around you to talk about.
Don’t knock online dating so fast. Our generation relies on the internet to keep in touch with friends and share experiences. So why not meet someone online to experience something special. There is no shame in finding you Mr./Mrs. Right online.